GRUFF

     I have met a good man, and will marry him on Saturday. He does not push his will. He refuses to suffocate others, or manipulate them, or overpower them. He is kind and giving, and has a sense of humor. He does not take himself too seriously, but is ever-ready to protect what needs protecting. His spirit is gentle, but amped with power. He is intuitive, allowing, visionary. He is gifted artistically. He can fix anything, create anything, understand anything. He is interested in solving problems. He is low drama and non-combative. He is an excellent communicator. He knows how to calmly share what's going on inside of him, feelings and fears and hopes and insights, and listen to what's going on inside of me. He trusts me to address my "stuff," and does not interfere unless I ask for his help. He knows who he is. He is strong and fiercely loving, but he lets go, and then he lets go some more. He honors my spirit and my calling. He lets me be who I am and does not try to change me. 
    

I am blessed to know what it's like to love and be loved.

 

NEW SHOES

      I have never understood the excitement over a pair of new shoes. I prefer old shoes, and always have. New shoes are too clean, too stiff, too slippery on the soles, or pinchy around the toes. They are awkward. They rub in strange places. They call out their newness in every way.
     It's entirely different with a pair of shoes that are worn-in. They are comfortable, and inviting. They happily enclose my feet in softness and perfectly fit the shape of my foot. They welcome the curves of my heel and toes. But the trouble is that much as I love them and wear them, I wear them out, so new shoes have to happen. They are a necessity.
     And life can be just like shoes. It can be comfortably worn-in, or it can be worn-out. Life can be brand new and stiff and pinching. It can be slippery. We can feel the pinch of the new and long for the old and familiar, ever knowing that it has lost its sole, that it has holes in the toes and paper-thin leather. So in the end, the only thing to do with new shoes is to wear them like crazy so that they wear in as quickly as possible. And just so with life... just so.

I accept the stiffness and the pinching of new life just as I accept the stiffness and pinching of new shoes. It doesn't take long before the leather wears and the soles get scratchy and all is comfortably worn-in yet again.

AGELESS ENERGY

     I really do believe that age is a state of mind as much as it is a state of the body. I know six-year-olds that are like old women, and old women that are like little girls. The adult-like children are serious and well behaved. They are scornful of laughter and silliness, which is something that the child-like adults embrace. Youthful old people have a sparkle in their eyes and a playful nature. They have a sense of fun!
     I'm not sure where or how we learn that growing older in years has to mean loss of mobility and spontaneity and common sense, and ultimately, loss of self-sufficiency. Whose rule is that, and do we have to buy into it? Why can't we be as vibrant energetically at eighty as we were at eight? Surely our spirit has the ability to be just as lively.
     Let's not be old before our time. Let's not become musty and inflexible in our thinking or our actions. Let's move and stretch and dance. Let's walk and read and enjoy life's simple pleasures, unafraid of "getting old" and unafraid of death. Let's lovingly accept our changing bodies and become ever-better caretakers of our muscles and our bones and our skin and teeth and hair. Let's remember the importance of play and play regularly. Lets have fun with our time and our changing energy. Let's celebrate life everyday that we live, and feel good and youthful and forever full of promise and hope.

I enjoy my vitality today. I am playful and curious and bright and alive. I release musty, old-age thinking and celebrate my lively spirit.

BEING HUMAN

         We are as different as our fingerprints. It seems as if there should be one path of rightness, but the truth is that there are many. There are multiple solutions to the same problem, multiple visions of the same future, multiple approaches to life, to love, to health, to fitness, to the achievement of dreams, and the experience of life's sadness, and each of them is rich with our personal creativity. We see things one way, our way, and we are blind to other perspectives. We need interaction with each other to expand our view.
     I work with people everyday, and it delights me to see the different ways that we are strong and weak and flexible and tight, to explore the magical properties of movement and range of motion and grace. And it opens my heart to hear of everyone's challenges and joys and fears and hopes: spouses, children, parents, sickness, body image, food compulsions, bad habits, good habits, insecurities, happiness, unexpected flexibility, and the evolution of self acceptance.
     We are each on an individual journey, but we travel together down the human path. It takes the company of another to point things out to us that we cannot see. It's a give and take process, a sharing adventure. It's unhealthy and uncomfortable to live in isolation. Solitude is one thing, but the complete avoidance of human interaction robs us of the richness of living fully. We need each other. We need each other for comfort and understanding and lessons and solutions, for insight and inspiration, for encouragement and loving kindness. We need each other for conversation, to test our limits and set boundaries, to realize how we are separate and how we are forever the same.
     This human walk is fascinating because of the unique perspective we each bring to it. It is endlessly creative and ever new. If we feel dull, we can strike up a conversation with someone we don't know, or don't know well. Asking questions and listening to the life adventures of another takes us out of our own small world and opens us to greater horizons. Let's reach out today. Let's enrich our lives with fresh perspective.

I am a grateful member of the human race. I give and take. I share my perspective and am open to the perspective of others. I grow and learn and experience joy from interacting with others.

THE LIMITATION OF LABELS

     We like identifying labels, and use them frequently. He's shy, and she's pretty but brainless, and that one there is insensitive, and the other one there is a loser. We are dyslexic and A.D.D. and single and divorced and depressed and Pollyanna. And with all of the labels that we slap on everyone else, and on all of our various life experiences as well: good, bad, lucky, tragic, easy, difficult, I think it's valid to consider how we might be labeling ourselves.
      For many years, I was a single mother of twins, but no longer. Soon I will be newlywed again. I am a personal trainer, an optimist, a love junkie, and a closet hippie. I am all of these things, but none of them really defines me. I am not always optimistic. I am not always anything.
     Let's bring awareness to the limitations of our labels. They cannot accommodate life's variables, and the variability of our own beings. Let's avoid the use of words like "always" and "never," and judgments that close doors on the possibility of change. Instead of declaring someone a "jerk," perhaps we can consider that he seems unhappy, or that maybe it's a trigger inside of us that makes us react the way we do; that maybe there's more to what we see than we can possibly understand. Let's cut the world a break and allow for the possibility that we don't ever know the whole story, even with ourselves. How we behave and the ailments we suffer from are circumstances of our lives, but they are not who we are. We can have issues and struggles. We need not be them. We are bigger and greater and full of more variation and changeability than any label can possibly encompass.

I will refrain from labeling myself today. I will refrain from labeling those I encounter, and the circumstances of my life. I will allow for all possibility. I accept that I have a limited view of things, and there's likely more to it than I can understand.

CHANGING LIGHT

     I am happily aware of the changing seasonal light and the morning chill of coming fall. As a child, I was impatient with the heat and humidity of summer. Being too hot made me mad. But I have come to love the warmth of summer mornings and evenings, and the overpowering heat of noontime. I have come to understand how quickly the summer passes. It is here and gone like a flash. I appreciate it now in a way I couldn't when I was younger and so easily grouchy with all of the things beyond my control that didn't suit me just right. So these days, I feel a loss and sadness for the summer passing away yet again.
     But I have always loved the fall, and it brings its own kind of blessing. It feels like renewal to me, and absolute freshness. It is crisp and breezy and full of delicious smells and beautiful colors. It fills me with hope and possibility, maybe even moreso than the spring. The spring feels full of purpose, and work in the garden, and lawn cutting. The spring is all about gearing up. But the fall is easy and gentle and settling in. It's slowing down and the restoration of routine. So I welcome it gladly. I enjoy the changing slant of the sun and elongated shadows.
     But it's not here yet, not fully. Fall is coming, but it's not quite come, and the summer ending, but not quite ended. I want to enjoy this transitional time. I want to enjoy the summer that remains and the touches of stretching fall light that signify what's to come.

I accept where I am today. I am constantly in flux like the sun and the seasons, and enjoy the beauty and rhythm of the ever changing light.

EMOTIONAL PARADOX

     It's an interesting dynamic the way we can feel multiple emotions at one time: excitement and dread, fear and hope, love and hostility, courage and trepidation. Paradox seems as much a part of life as the changability of the weather. It's yin and yang, a little of this and a little of that, male and female, empty and full, dark and light. And I am all of those things too, inside of me, and out. I am enormous and tiny. I can't wait and I'm terrified to begin. I just ate and I am still hungry. I am alone and I am never alone.
     I guess it's just right the way it is. If I could only feel one thing at a time, my experience would be bland, much like a baked potato before the butter and salt and sour cream, or a soup with no seasoning at all. The multiplicity of emotion is like the pepper of life, the spice rack of our daily fare. So I'll take it, and enjoy the variety of each day's flavor. I have some peace, and a bit of anxiety, vibrant energy and bone tired exhaustion, tenderness and explosive strength. I have joy and calm and stress and frustration. I have happiness and fear. I have all of life's grand emotions, and the blessing each day to be able to feel them all.

I welcome the experience of my emotions today. I witness their variety, and the rise and fall of each one. I am grateful to be alive and to feel the range of feelings that I feel.