Saturday, July 23, 2011


     I am not all one thing or another. I am mixed up with gratitudes and fears and certainties and confusions, with healthy thoughts and sick dependencies, feelings of hunger and feelings of satisfaction, a big old smorgasbord of life happening in my body, my emotions, and my mind. And yet, even experiencing all of this mix-mash in myself, I have some thought that other aspects of life, both things, and other people, should be always one thing, essentially satisfying to me, and then feel upset when they are not.
     What pleases me today may not please me next week. Sometimes, I become consumed with a song and listen to it over and over and it feeds some part of me, and then a month or so later if it comes on I will change the station... sick of it. Relationships can be like that, and places we live; jobs, towns, books, opinions, even chaos and drama. What is earth shattering today is no big deal next week.
     And physical things, too, have their own kind of changeability and unique personality. There is a "soul" and an energy in everything. In a house, for example, there may be features that are graceful and open, and others that are clumsy and squashed. Like me, a house cannot be all one thing or another. It too is a mix-mash. For me to expect it to be "perfect" in some particular way depending on some particular mood or expectation of mine is ridiculous. What is "perfect" is inconstant, what is "perfect" is the ever changing nature of everything.
     I believe the point of my life is to grow and change and evolve, so anything that is static and unchanging does not serve life's purpose. I may think I want some sort of perfect predictable stability, but I don't really. What I want is experience and challenge and all the rising emotions in me that are always bubbling up and receding away to teach me, and then remind me, and then teach me again, that nothing is absolute, that everything comes and goes. The more comfortable I am with the changeability and inconstancy of life, and the clearer and calmer I am about the nature of things and the nature of myself, the more peace I will experience.

I accept the variability of life and am grateful for the fact that everything changes and passes and nothing comes to stay in one particular way forever. I rejoice in the process of my own evolution!