We long to feel "normal" again, but we feel changed and discombobulated instead. We have to somehow make sense of what has happened to us. We have to absorb it into our world, and it cannot be done in a flash or a decision or even a full day. The discomfort has to be felt and discussed. We have to be willing to communicate our hurt and our shock and our whole experience. We have to tell and re-tell the story, and we have to be open to tears. When we have suffered greatly, it's ok to feel sad for ourselves, that we have had to go through something so difficult. Our bodies respond with their own kind of reactivity, and we have to be patient with our stomachs and our breathing, and our eyes and arms and hearts; with whatever aches, and whatever speaks to us.
And slowly, the balance of beauty to pain tips again in the direction of beauty, and we feel better more than we feel sick, and we discover that we have grown through our difficulties. We have grown in courage and strength. We have discovered new depths within us. We are more fragile than we ever knew, and more capable all at once. We are raw with our pain and resilient beyond our wildest dreams.
I understand that life is full of challenges that I cannot possibly anticipate, and that there is a necessary ebb and flow of action and reflection in order to survive with grace.