"In
almost every age in almost every part of the world, human beings have had to
live their normal lives and do their normal business under conditions of
uncertainty, danger, and distress..."
~
Arnold J. Toynbee ~
The other day, I heard someone say
that what made him angry were the things he couldn't control, and that seemed
important somehow. I go along happily, thinking I am spiritually fit and full
of acceptance and patience and well-being, and then I'm hit with news of
something bigger than me- something I have to go through that I don't want to
go through, and the result is anger- subterranean anger, but anger nonetheless.
And it makes me realize how attached I am to controlling things, to the idea of
my own power, and how invested I am in getting what I think I want, which
primarily consists of certainty.
I am less good
at not knowing than I care to admit, which makes me a little short on faith I
guess, and especially when it really counts. I seem to want relief more than
process, and finality rather than evolution. I recognize that this perspective
is a bit marred, but it gives me something to work on. I can catch myself in a
state of agitation and fear and take a deep breath, and then another. The
answer, I think, is to stay in the moment, and appreciate what's right in front
of me and the only real certainty I have which is the reality of right now.
I
save myself from catastrophic thinking by taking a deep breath.
