Wednesday, March 9, 2016


"In almost every age in almost every part of the world, human beings have had to live their normal lives and do their normal business under conditions of uncertainty, danger, and distress..." 
~ Arnold J. Toynbee ~

The other day, I heard someone say that what made him angry were the things he couldn't control, and that seemed important somehow. I go along happily, thinking I am spiritually fit and full of acceptance and patience and well-being, and then I'm hit with news of something bigger than me- something I have to go through that I don't want to go through, and the result is anger- subterranean anger, but anger nonetheless. And it makes me realize how attached I am to controlling things, to the idea of my own power, and how invested I am in getting what I think I want, which primarily consists of certainty.
     I am less good at not knowing than I care to admit, which makes me a little short on faith I guess, and especially when it really counts. I seem to want relief more than process, and finality rather than evolution. I recognize that this perspective is a bit marred, but it gives me something to work on. I can catch myself in a state of agitation and fear and take a deep breath, and then another. The answer, I think, is to stay in the moment, and appreciate what's right in front of me and the only real certainty I have which is the reality of right now.

I save myself from catastrophic thinking by taking a deep breath.