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Saturday, June 11, 2011

THE GOLDEN RULE

      The "Golden Rule" as we all know it is "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." But what if I get motivated to action by someone yelling at me, does the Golden Rule mean I should yell at others to motivate them? What if I'm dealing with an individual who has been emotionally and verbally abused her whole life? Might she prefer gentle words of loving encouragement and expressions of faith in her abilities?
     I think the idea is to be thoughtful of others the same way we would want them to be with us, to consider not necessarily what we would like in a given situation, but what someone with the particular background, history, temprament, etc of the "other" before us might like. I must be willing to resist imposing my goodwill. Perhaps the Golden Rule could be stated another way: "Do unto others as they would have done unto them."
     An example of this in action might come from the traditional handshake. I was taught that firm is best, but it's uncomfortable to be at the receiving end of an over-squeeze. It's happened before to me, and more than once. I shake firmly, but my partner seems to be out to proove some point. Just so, if I shake firm with someone who has a dead fish hand, I overpower her. The thing to do is match the other: soggy for soggy, firm for firm. That's not the standard practice, but that's the nature of do unto others, seems to me. Real compassion and kindness requires a reading, a sensitivity, and a bit of creative imagination. It's not the thought that whoever I'm dealing with should appreciate what I'm doing because it's right or best, and what I would want, but rather to ask and consider the questions, what does he want? What does she want? What are the signals here, and how can I best be of service?

I pay attention to others today, and treat them the way they want to be treated. I do not thrust upon them my own ideas of what's best, but listen and look for signs that tell me what would be most helpful, most needed, and most appreciated.