TRUE LOVE

     It seems to me that we have a cultural misunderstandning of true love. We think that if we meet the right person, that person will make us happy, take care of our needs and wants, and be our unending source of bliss. But I have learned the error of this thinking. It's all wrong. What I thought was his job is actually mine. I am the one solely responsible for my own happiness and the fulfillment of my needs and wants, for the pursuit of my dreams and the answering of my soul's callings. It's not up to anyone else.
     True and lasting love can happen only between two people who are fully responsible for themselves in this way. There is no obligation to make the other "happy." It's not possible in a long term kind of way. The burden is too great and the dependency that grows is too sick. Instead of dependency, there is freedom in true love, and allowance and appreciation and celebration. Neither partner needs the other for completion or happiness. There is friendship and enjoyment and support that can be counted on. The relationship is a choice and a pleasure, not a duty. It is two whole people supporting each other as each pursues his or her own dreams and happiness. The relationship is spacious. There is room for aspiration and growth and exploration of each partner individually and both partners together.
     There are individual goals and communal goals, both important, both valued, neither swallowed up by guilt or demands or excessive neediness. There is balance and flow and communication. Love does not insist. It encourages and respects and appreciates. True lovers reflect each others' happiness like mirrors. It is the result of self-acceptance and wholeness, not its cause.

 I have to be happy with me and ok as I am before I can be happy with another. True love happens when I recognize that I do not need it to be whole.