MOTHER ADJUSTMENT

     When my kids were little, I loved the motto of their school: respect yourself, respect others, respect the environment. That covers most of what matters, seems to me. And I need to remember it today, and apply it anew. They are sixteen now (twins), and showing distaste for my life and the way I live, which is appropriate, but still a bit hurtful. It reminds me of the early teenage years when I was freshly an embarrasment to them. It came as a bitter pill to swallow after being the sunshine, the comfort, the loving source of all things good, and home in every sense of the word, to becoming an annoyance, a burden, and a constant reason for deep sighs and many "whatevers."
     Like the whole parental journey, it's a mixed blessing. They are growing up and finding their own independence, which I want for them, but I still remain "home" in a holdout kind of way, and will continue to for a few more years, so we are neither of us yet "free." But we don't fit anymore the way we once did, and I believe we each have an unrelenting itch that my choices and my pleasures crimp their style. We don't entirely approve of each other. There is suspicion and disbelief on both sides: how can you do that?
     It is their time to be out in the world exploring all of its features and having grand adventures, and it's is my time to grow roots at last. I enjoy the small, simple pleasures of my life these days. I have been adventuring forever, and am less interested in it than I used to be. In a very real sense, for them I used to be the adventure. Now I am home port and a free meal, tolerable in small doses, but essentially uninteresting.
     So we are teetering together in the same home space, but looking out in far different directions. And it's ok. We are right on time. It will shift again as the years carry us onward. For now, I simply need to remember their old school motto and follow it, and encourage them to follow it as well.

I respect different outlooks, different journeys, and different states of mind. We are all right where we are supposed to be.