SIEINNA AND CODY

"May all good and grace attend her and him!"

~ A. Bronson Alcott ~

May 2nd was supposed to be our daughter's wedding. 

We planned it all fall.

But instead of the tent going up today,

We are living in this strange world of limited social contact

and face masks.

Still, the date is branded in my mind,

And I send all love and blessings to 

Sienna and Cody for this coming weekend

That was supposed to be theirs.

Life is rarely what we expect it to be.

I remain open and flexible.

PARENTING OUR PUP

"The commands of democracy are as imperative as its privileges and opportunities are wide and generous. Its compulsion is upon us."

~ Woodrow Wilson ~

Our pup is defiant, and I prefer that to him being fearful, or cowering, but it does make for a fair bit of frustration as we seek to get along. He bites at my legs, I tell him "No!" sharply, he backs up and barks at me (what's he trying to say?) and then proceeds to do it again, upping the ante, which ups my ante as well, and I don't like it. I just want us to be peaceful and get along. And yet, he needs discipline, for both of our sake, and it's my responsibility to teach him right and wrong and boundaries... but doing so is exhausting, and some days, I'd just rather not.

    

I want others to know what I want them to know without my having to say anything to them, but it doesn't work like that. It's my responsibilty to set boundaries and speak up. 

BEING OPEN TO ALTERNATIVE OPTIONS

"There's more than one way to skin a cat."

~ American Saying ~

If 20 different people were to tell us how to get somewhere, they might tell us 20 different ways,

And they might 

all

be

right. 

My way is not the only way.

THE WAY WE SEE IT

"Chaos is a name for any order that produces confusion in our minds."

~ George Santayana ~

We hear words and see the world filtered though our own personal perspective, 

meaning, 

that for each of us, 

the experience is distinct. 

Think of the implication of that inescapable fact!

And the beauty of the broadness of life,

And the difficulty of trying to relate to each other,

And have compassion,

And be kind.

I both know and cannot know what it's like to be somebody else.

THE CHALLENGE AND THE FUN

"That's the way that it goes."

~ Gillian Welsh ~

The difference between being with people in real life and on a zoom call is striking.

I miss the subtleties of light and facial expression.

The consistency of flowing movement and sound.

The 3 dimensional plane of existence.

And being in the presence of living, heart-beating energy.

What's fun is being with others while also being at home,

And playing with the camera,

And that we have the technology to visit with each other in this way at all.

I am grateful for video contact and also frustrated by it.

NOTICING

"Gratitude is the memory of the heart."

~ Jean Baptiste Massieu ~

I love buttercups.

And wildflowers.

And spiritual inquiry.

And gentle soaking rain.

I love people-

Particular people, 

And people in general.

And animals.

Same thing.

I love spring and summer and winter and fall.

Hearth fires.

Bonfires.

Fireflies.

And the sun.

Life is good when I feel the love. 

FEATHERS IN THE WIND

"How did I get here?"

~ Pete Towmsend ~

Life has turned out for all of us the way it has turned out.

We may have had big ideas about being famous, being rich beyond our wildest dreams, 

being a different kind of parent than we turned out to be,

being happy and comfortable and healthy and secure.

Whatever our aspirations, chances are, for most of us,

things haven't exactly turned out as we anticipated they would,

and there's a loss in that.

In little fluttering bunches, our goals and visions and daily expectations fly away from us

like feathers in the wind,

or balloons that get smaller and smaller when we lose our grasp on them

until they are utterly out of sight.

I acknowledge that certain things I have believed would happen in my life may never actually happen, and that's ok. 

BEING ALIVE

"What I assume you shall assume. for every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you."

~ Walt Whitman ~

I am pure consciousness experiencing life through this body,

Witnessing the turbulence of mind.

We are more than we seem. 

BREAKING GLASS

"A thought often makes us hotter than a fire."

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow ~

The stories our minds produce can run us into dangerous territory,

Where we are attacked,

And trapped,

And can't fight back.

At the mercy of our dark thoughts

We are blind to the light,

But that doesn't mean the light isn't shining;

Only that we have turned away.

I stop buying what my mind wants to sell me. 

DROP IT

"Resistance is futile."

~ Star Trek ~

Not liking something doesn't change it, 

Just poisons us increasingly from the inside.

It starts as a general distaste and grows to rage- and misery.

And there's no payoff, only more of the same.

So what's the point?

Perhaps, if we get upset enough, we will catch ourselves in our own net,

And, realizing it is we who have set the bait,

Drop it-

Drop the whole thing,

and 

Be free. 

I stop tugging war with life and let be what is. 

NOTICING

"Give yourself to yourself."

~ Michel de Montaigne ~

I sat down to have a meal on my own and realized the phone battery was dead.

Ordinarily, I would have looked at it while I ate,

And my book was not presently accessible,

So I chewed consciously and looked around instead.

I noticed birds out the window, flittering around the feeder,

And the yellow evening sun stretching across the counters.

There was quietude

And peace,

And I would have missed them both had circumstances played out differently.

I look around to see what's there.

BUILDING THAT LASTS

"Split your own wood, and it will warm you twice."

~ Old New England Saying ~

To establish anything-

A garden,

A new habit,

A trusting relationship,

A family,

A sense of spiritual stability,

Takes time.

Very little that is quick or instant

Satisfies us, or

Lasts.

So, challenging as it may be to get fully up and running,

On any new project,

it's worth the investment,

to enjoy the return.

I am patient with the establishment process.

GUT SENSE

"We dance round in a ring and suppose,

But the Secret sits in the middle and knows."

~ Robert Frost ~

The energy in the world is shifting, 

like the wind does in fairy tales.

It has carried us all along for a bit, 

sweeping us up in its gusts, 

and now,

newly,

It seems to be coming from a fresh direction. 

I watch curiously as life evolves. 

COSMIC FLOW

"Without aligning your energies daily, life clogs."

~Terri Guillemets ~

I frequently make plans that are re-routed. Either they don't play out as intended, more urgent happenings usurp them, I run out of time, or when the time comes there's just no energy or passion or flow in their direction. This isn't always the case, but it does happen with a fair bit of regularity.
     I used to be so driven by the power of intention. I staked all my bets on it. And now, I am realizing the stronger power of cosmic flow, and that what is meant to manifest will, not by my pushing and planning and urging, but simply by the grace of God.

I stop cramming and jamming my way forward, and relax, trusting in open spaces, intuitive knowing, and divine will. 

THE ONLY WAY THROUGH

"Expectations are premeditated resentments."

~ Popular Saying ~

Sometimes we set out to do a job thinking it will be straight forward and easy, and perhaps it begins that way, but often, complications arise, and we find ourselves frustrated, and unsure how to proceed. A desire to quit may erupt within us, partnered with anger, or we might try to force something that doesn't want to move. We feel wronged somehow, and undone.
     But the only way through is through, and the problem is not in the unfolding of the experience at all, but in our having had expectations in the first place about how we think it should have been.

Things rarely, if ever, turn out the way I think they will, 

so I stop thinking and let whatever comes come. 

COVID POEM

"A Morning Glory at my window pleases me more than the metaphysics of books."

~ Walt Whitman ~

There is emptiness where there was fullness before,

Unknowing where all felt certain,

A sort of acceptance tinted with resignation,

And grief galore.

There is connection happening in unexpected ways,

Beauty where we missed it at our door,

A hopeful trust in the virus running its course,

And life as we know it being restored.

We may be changed, restrained, and

somewhat estranged,

But there is that in us which 

forever remains. 

I am broken open.

A CONSIDERATION

"Adapt, adjust, and improvise."

~ The Marines ~

This is a time for

Acceptance,

Flexibility,

Ingenuity,

Steadfastness, and

Faith.

Without these, whether we contract the virus

or not,

We will surely perish.

I move and shift and bend and flow like a tree in the wind.

FREEDOM

"Relieve me of the bondage of self."

~ 3rd Step Prayer ~

Thoughts about the past are sticky.

They're familiar, and we identify with them strongly.

They make up the story of who we are and why,

And it's trapping.

We feel like we have no alternative options....

But that's just more thinking.

Beyond thought,

We are unlimited, and endlessly fresh.

I am not beholden to the past. 

FEAR NOT

"Isn't it time to turn your heart into a temple of fire?"

~ Rumi ~

There is no nightmare,

No experience to get through, to be done with.

The experience is the blessing.

Loss, grief, these are blessings.

They soften us.

They bejewel us.

They give us depth of soul.

So, resist nothing.

Fear not.

All is well. 

DAY-O

"Time is like the wind, it lifts the light and leaves the heavy."

~ Domenico Cieri Estrada ~

The day starts fresh and bright,

and like the morning,

I feel new, ready for anything.

The afternoon is sweet

and stretching.

And then, evening comes,

And my energy drains with the light.

I cycle through the hours, then gratefully, rest. 

A CHANCE AT PEACE

"The mind of man is often like a house of which he is the landlord; 

bad tenants are more easily admitted than removed."

~ James Lendall Basford ~

If we can quiet our minds, 

or, 

at the very least, 

stop identifying with the stories that our thoughts create, 

then we have a chance at peace.

And if we cannot,

then, 

we

are 

at their mercy.

I let thoughts pass across the screen of my mind like clouds in the sky.