It's easier to become aware of the fact that I am holding tension than it is to let it go. I'm not sure why that is. Perhaps the tension is restraining some sort of emotional outburst in me that I don't want to express or experience. So maybe it's a hiding as well as a holding, and that's what makes it harder to face. Maybe it's sadness underneath the tension, or maybe it's fear. Whatever it is, I believe that mostly it just wants to have a voice.
Why do we resist what we feel? And think we shouldn't be feeling it? We force happiness upon ourselves and insist upon it, and beat ourselves up for not feeling it- as if we should
be feeling it, every minute of every day. But sometimes, if we're honest, happiness actually comes to us in the form of sadness or fear that is freely and unapologetically expressed. There's something beautiful in sadness sometimes, and vulnerability as well. They are gentle and calling sort of emotions, full of heart and longing- not bad, not wrong- and actually rather soft and sweet...
Perhaps we are sad for the speed of our lives, for the vast lack of understanding and suffering we encounter everywhere we turn, for the way we complicate things and relationships, and for the way we toss blame like snowballs at the people we love the most. Perhaps we are sad because we cannot appreciate our own beauty; that we have loved and lost, and for the dreams that we have carelessly dumped by the wayside. And perhaps we are afraid that the pain from our past will repeat itself in the future and of all the things we do not understand.
Whatever we feel is ok. Let's ease up and allow ourselves to be where we are.
I recognize tension as a cover story for unexpressed emotion, and have the courage to properly acknowledge what I'm feeling in order to experience relief.