SAD

"One's suffering disappears when one lets oneself go- when one yields- even to sadness."

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery ~

Experiencing our sadness brings relief. Acknowledging our hurt feelings and wounded souls, honoring our betrayals and abuses, feeling our pain- these are what free us- not repression, not a stiff upper lip, and not mastering the art of pretending everything is ok- when it's clearly not.

When I am sad, it is my very sadness itself that restores me to joy.

STRANGER FAVORS

"Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to let him know that you trust him."

~ Booker T. Washington ~

I was asked recently, by a complete stranger, to "watch her stuff please" while she went to get a coffee, and her "stuff" included her computer, which, if she is anything like me, is probably fairly vital to her office related life.
     I imagine most of us have done this, or been asked by others to do this, and it fascinates me, especially since it probably almost always works out just fine. How can we be so certain about which strangers are trustworthy?

I observe myself thinking I know for sure what I may not actually know.

MAYBE, MAYBE NOT

"If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today."

~ E. Joseph Cossman ~

What seems so urgent today may not matter in a week or two, 

and much of what we cannot solve ends up solving itself. 

Our scheming and figuring is so much less important than it seems.

I take my worries with a grain of salt. 

BODY WISDOM

"A trembling in the bones may carry a more convincing testimony than the dry documented deductions of the brain."

~ Llewellyn Powers ~

It's possible to overthink ourselves into an existence where 

we lose touch with our bodies 

except to judge and complain about them. 

We become thinking machines and the wisdom of our flesh and muscle is abandoned, or lost. 

This is a tragic state of affairs.

     The deep knowing of our bodies can heal our spirits if we let it, 

and guide us, 

and soothe us in just the right way.

I let my body take the lead for a change, instead of my mind.

BARB WIRE AND PRICKERS

"Change always comes bearing gifts."

~ Price Pritchett ~

I have been clearing fence lines of prickers and barb wire and old gnarly vines; cutting back dead and overgrown branches, and cleaning up roadside trash. And it hasn't been a particularly enjoyable job- thorns prick me and get caught in my hair and swipe at my face- but it nonetheless has been satisfying.
     One of our neighbors stopped and was chitty chatting with me about the progress we've made on the property, and she was saying when it came to some of the stuff there was to do around her place that she just closed her eyes and pretended not to see, and I responded that we were in a phase right now where we needed to see- and I was interested to hear myself say that- because we do.
   

I clear away what no longer serves me to make room for new growth.

   

DISAPPROVAL

"People will disapprove of you if you're unhappy or if you're happy in The Wrong Way."

~ Mignon McLaughlin ~

I am sensitive to the disapproval of others, and I imagine I'm not the only one who is.

Let's be sure to judge not, lest we be judged.

I make generous allowances for people and keep my negative opinions in check. 

THINKING OTHERS SHOULD KNOW

"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought."

~ John F. Kennedy ~

When my children (twins) were little I bought them mini-tricycles with handles so I could push them both at the same time and all they had to do was keep their feet on the pedals and steer: obvious and simple... except that they didn't know how to steer. At age two, they had no experience with it or reference to it. And still, it made me mad when I shouted, "Steer!" and they didn't know.
     How often in life do we expect others to know what we think they should know and feel frustrated when they don't?

I make no assumptions.

MENTAL SCULPTURE

"Our thoughts are unseen hands shaping the people we meet. Whatever we truly think them to be, that's what they'll become for us."

~ Richard Cowper ~

Though some people seem to thrive on them, I have never understood grudges. 

I prefer forgiveness and compassionate understanding. 

They make me feel better than resentment, 

which seems worth it, 

because I have to live with myself.

Life is too dear for intolerance and spite. 

OPPOSITES INTACT

"Do I contradict myself?

Very well, then, I contradict myself.

I am vast. I contain multitudes."

~ Walt Whitman ~

I am small and powerless and sensitive,

And I am also irrepressibly strong.

I am angry and also at peace.

I am sorry and not sorry,

free and not free,

alone and never alone. 

I contain all opposites.

I have space in me 

For every experience in life.

I am full.

CIRCLING TIME

"This is my Birthday, and a happier one

Was never mine..."

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow ~

I find that life gets better and better the older I get. 

Age is a unique blessing of raised consciousness and the experience of all we've been through.

It's my Birthday,

I am 51 years old,

And I embrace the evolution of my soul.

I experience getting older as a gift.  

WADING THROUGH THE MUCK

"Sometimes it is the person closest to us who must travel the furthest distance to be our friend."

~ Robert Brault ~

I like my relationships to be clean and copacetic- everybody happy and everything good- and yet, relationships by their very nature are not that. They're messy and speculative. We project our insecurities and our past trauma onto the other, and they project theirs onto us.
     Relationships are full of mis-perception, and the only way that I know of to right what appears to be wrong is to speak up and share from the heart anytime and every time something emotionally uncomfortable comes up- not to establish fault or blame, but to clear confusion and make fresh room for the love that has been lost.

Communication is the key to all of my relationships.  

QUESTIONS

"Who is wise?

He that learns from everyone."

~ Ben Franklin ~

We get to know people by asking them about themselves. 

Questions lead to information that gives us insight 

and access to common ground.

I take a genuine interest in the people I encounter. 

FULL BELLY WELL-BEING

"Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of life!"

~ Albert Einstein ~

The time we spend with friends and family around mealtimes has its own kind of sacred beauty. Preparing the food is one thing, and eating it another, but after the meal and before the dishes, that's my favorite. There's an unmatched sense of full-belly satisfaction that gives rise to easy laughter and stories. It's nourishment for the soul, and not to be missed.

I linger over meals with the people I love. 

LONGER DAYLIGHT

"Springtime is the land awakening. The March winds are the morning yawn."

~ Lewis Grizzard ~

The first spring days are glorious beyond measure- the air feels like sustenance, especially in the evenings that begin to lengthen and stretch as the season advances towards the light.

I glory in early spring weather. 

BUSY MINDED

"To a mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders."

~ Zhuangzi ~

My mind is a thinking machine! It thinks and thinks and thinks, even when it doesn't need to. It makes up stories, creates problems, worries over things it can't control and what other people are doing and not doing. It's busy and restless and requires attention and care to be still.

My mind is at ease. 

MULTIPLE DIRECTIONS

"The powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse."

~ Walt Whitman ~

Managing life in multiple directions at the same time requires humor and patience and skill.

Without these, overwhelm occurs,

and stress,

and burnout,

and a pervading sense of malaise.

All we can do is all we can do,

And it is sufficient,

And it is enough.

Life happens, and I do the best I can. 

TOUGH TIRES

"I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand."

~ Thich Nhat Hanh ~

I got new tires on my car that have extra good traction, and, because of their buff-nes and toughness, they make a lot of noise while I'm driving down the road. It's a constant reminder that for every choice I make, there are resulting consequences, whether I like them or not.

I accept the ripple effect nature of my life. 

THIS OR THAT?

"To decide is to make peace within and let the chips fall where they may."

~ Lisa Tabak ~

We are in the process of renovating and remodeling an old house, and every day, decisions must be made: from back splash tiles to roof overhang, from crown molding to closet door handles, from lights to fans to fixtures to floors. And some decisions come easily while others are a puzzle.
     It feels like a great responsibility- to decide. Some days it feels like it would be easier not to, and yet, the project goes on, and the options keep presenting themselves. Some decisions we have had to re-visit, and some choices we have had to choose anew.
     The process requires flexibility, and trust, and confidence, and vision. It induces fear and delight in equal measures. It is just like life itself- a mix of this and that and every corner of the map.

On a daily basis, I make the best decisions I can with the information I have. 

REFRESHMENT

"A field that has rested gives a bountiful crop."

~ Ovid ~

Trying to work effectively when we are tired pays no dividend.

We would do better to sleep, and awake refreshed,

I honor my limits and rest when I need to. 

INTENSITY

"Easy does it."

~ AA ~

Intensity is jarring. 

There's no flow to it, no ease. 

It's in-your-face and aggressive feeling. 

I don't like it, and don't want to be it.

I am an easy and relaxed presence.

TRAVELING THE ROAD

"Sometimes, perhaps, we are allowed to get lost that we might find the right person to ask directions of."

~ Robert Brault~ 

If I'm honest, "one thing leads to another" has been the guiding principle of my life. I sit and plan and the plans change as they develop. I worry about all kinds of possibilities for naught. My timeline is turned on its head, as is my vision, and even, it turns out, my dream.
     One thing leads to another, I travel the path that opens up before me, and I grow in spite of, and not because of, my previous alternative ideas.

I trust the ongoing journey of life.