TAKING THE TIME

     When I was a single mother of young children, though in some way I could ill afford it, I used to hire a babysitter and spend an afternoon and evening to myself every week. It was precious time and I valued it highly. Taking the time made me remember that I mattered as an individual, separate from my children, that I had a right to my fancies and pleasures, my aesthetic longings, and solo adventures in the great wide world. It made me remember that my entire life purpose was not to be a mother only, and not to run myself into the ground.
     Though my children are older now and no longer live at home full time, I still take my weekly afternoon and evening, and for the same reason; to remember who I am when I am not in the presence of the people I love. I need to court myself, and get to know myself as an independent being. I need to make sure that I am not defined by the relationships I choose, but by the affinity of my own creative calling. It's easy to convince myself that I am utterly indispensible on the home front, that I cannot possibly take the time for myself or nothing will function properly, that I must sacrifice myself daily as the price of admission for the experience of love.
     But the truth is that I must insist on my time, in some form or other, in some regular fashion, or I will lose my vitality and my unique perspective and become a conglomerated mass of whatever everyone else wants me to be. I will become tired and bitter and worn ragged in my spirit and my step. And those are things that every time, no matter what, I absolutely cannot afford.

I will take time for myself today, even if it's just a few minutes. I will restore my spirit and follow my bliss.