TRIAL AND ERROR

     When confronted with a task I am unsure of, I'm skeptical off the bat. I consider it critically and with a certain sense of inner whining. How am I supposed to do that? It feels overwhelming, impossible. I'm not sure how to begin. Every part of me wants to turn away and not face it, not do it. I think how un-fun this project seems to be and feel sorry for myself. I tend to get dramatic with dark thinking. And the negativity actually fuels the first attempt at combat, which is what it is at first: me againt the job. I fumble and curse. I begin to sweat. I feel hatred for what is before me. But I push on, approaching it clumsily from one side and then another.
     And somewhere along the way, I realize that in all of my awkwardness I have actually made progress, and hope flickers. I begin to understand what's required and how I might be more efficient. I stop cursing and engage my creativity. I cease to struggle and slowly shift towards acceptance. The job gets done. And when it's over, I feel satisfied that I faced what I did not want to face and accomplished something that needed doing, and I learned something about myself. And I learned something about painting or packing or letter writing or making sales calls, or making moussaka, or building a table, or whatever it may be. Sometimes, I'm a bit beat up by the effort, but I have something to show for it, and I have grown.
     It's all about the lesson. It's all about the journey from overwhelm and uncertainty to creative endeavor and completion through trial and error. That seems to be the way it works: frustrated in the morning by what appears daunting before me to weary happiness at the end of the day. I make it through, not always gracefully maybe, but with sincere effort in the right direction.

I do my best with whatever is in front of me today. I am willing to learn by giving my heart and my time to what needs doing but seems impossible. I trust that the job will get easier if I will only begin.