THE COST OF INTENSITY

"Don't underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."

~ AA Milne (Winnie the Pooh) ~

My personality tends naturally towards intensity and effort, and with very little cause, I can tip myself over the edge of balance and moderation and end up over-doing my life. I try for more control than I have, bigger goals than I need, and super-human results in all things. And then I experience burn out and aching muscles and exhaustion in my spirit and my bones.
     It's possible for me to live happily in balance, though it does require daily attention and care.

I go easy and enjoy my life. 

THE ULTIMATE PINCH HITTER

"Any fool can count the seeds in an apple. Only God can count the apples in a seed."

~ Robert H. Scheller ~

We have just planted grass on rather a wide swath of lawn area.

I spent hours pulling hoses from place to place and setting multiple sprinklers just right to keep it watered.

And then, when I was almost finished,

Without any note of it in the forecast, a thunderstorm came through,

And in 5 minutes, God did the whole job far better than I ever could have done

No matter how long I spent moving the hoses.

I learned something sitting in the barn watching that rainstorm,

or realized it it a new way anyway-

That I am so very very small,

And that God is the ultimate pinch-hitter.

I am blessed by God's grace.

WORK LIFE BALANCE

"Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches."

~ Alice Roosevelt Longworth ~

My best days are a mix of productivity, laughter, and relaxation- a little of this and a little of that- 

salt, pepper, rosemary, sage, and thyme. 

Not surprisingly, 

a day that leans too heavily in the direction of work or pleasure leaves the palette in despair 

and 

engenders a lingering sense of loss.

I work and play in equal measure.

LIFE PARTNERS

"Nothing comes from nothing."

~ The Sound of Music ~

The other side of blessing is responsibility.

 If we don't take care of what's been given to us, we will lose it. 

Gratitude and hard work are inseparable partners for life. 

I have a vital role in the quality of my experience. 

MAY 27TH

"Our brothers and sisters are there with us from the dawn of our personal stories 

to 

the inevitable dusk."

~ Susan Scarf Merrell ~

Memorial Day, and also, my sister's Birthday.

They don't fall together every year, but this year they do.

It's a time of loss and memories and gratitude.

She would have been 53 if she had lived....

And as for me,
I am very much alive, 

and blessed beyond measure 

to be here, 

now, 

unbound and uncompromised,

living in the land of the free. 

I honor those who died.

POLLUTED SITUATIONS

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones..."

~ Victor Hugo ~

Life occasionally turns up an experience or an interaction that feels energetically polluted, and we have a physical, as well as an emotional reaction to it, as if we have been poisoned- and truthfully- maybe we have. Such incidents come as a reminder that the world we live in is full of all kinds of things, and not all of them necessarily aligned with our hearts and spirits, so we must consciously and consistently exert our power of choice.

I choose not to participate in chaos and dysfunction and keep my inner space clean and clear. 

PASSING THE BUCK

"One neglect makes ten regrets."

~ James Lendall Basford ~

In an effort to relieve ourselves of the pressure of responsibility, we turn ourselves over to "experts," and those who seem to know more than we do in whatever capacity we're lacking confidence or knowledge. We turn to doctors, therapists, financial consultants, parents- even friends, and sometimes their guidance is highly beneficial. and just what we needed, and sometimes we would do better to stay a bit more personally involved in all the choosing parts of the process.

Whether I consult with experts or not, I am ultimately responsible for the choices that I make. 

ACTION

"The shortest answer is doing."

~ Lord Herbert ~

We learn not by thinking but by doing. Thoughts are endlessly spiraling and easily convoluted, but action leads us in a direct and linear fashion from cause to effect.

If I want to know how something is going to work out, I stop wondering about it in my mind and start moving. 

A SNACK AND A SIT DOWN

"We go all wrong by too strenuous a resolution to go right."

~ Nathaniel Hawthorne ~

Irritability rises when I'm hungry, 

or thirsty, 

or when I've over-done it and I need a break, but I'm not taking one.

Silly me.

A snack and a sit-down would recover me my happiness lickety split.

I stop pushing beyond reason and take care of myself. 

THE FREEDOM TO BE

"My heart filled with love, flowing over with joy, my own little drum that I like to march by!"

~ Gunda Fijje-Nolan ~

If people want to change us 

and don't appreciate us for who we are 

and how we are, 

authentically, 

and in our souls, 

then we should spend our time 

with other people. 

It's ok to be me. 

STEPPING BACK

"Harvest a moment to be free."

~ Terri Guillemets ~

Time away from a project may be as important as the project itself.

Distance gives us insight,

renews our energy,

And keeps things fresh.

I keep my perspective, and step back every so often for the broad view.

INTO THE SUN

"Hoe while it is spring, and enjoy the best anticipations. 

It is not much matter if things do not turn out well."

~ Charles Dudley Warne ~

I planned a garden in almost full shade, and then had to move it- not far.

And after I prepped it and planted all my delicious shady loving plants, 

I watched all afternoon as the sun beat down on the new bed...

Life requires flexibility.

NO COMPLAINTS WHATSOEVER

"Too blessed to be stressed."

~ American Saying ~

I heard a teaching story recently.

A man was irritable and unhappy

And he sought council from a wise medicine woman.

She told him 

every time he felt unhappy 

to say,

"Thank you for everything!

I have no complaints whatsoever."

And at first, it didn't work for him,

But eventually, he got it.

I am grateful for the grace in my life. 

TREES AND SHRUBS

"All the world is a laboratory to the inquiring mind."

~ Martin H. Fischer ~

I am creating a landscape design for our, as yet, ungraded yard, and I want it to be established and mature and beautiful already, which is building tension in me, and pressure, and stress. I recognize that it's all self-induced, and somewhat insane, and have been struggling with it nonetheless.
     When I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep for thinking and fretting over plant placement and incoming weather, I realized pretty clearly that I have gotten myself all tangled up in this project, and it's time to free myself.
     It's within my power to let go, and to allow for the beginning stages of the process to be what they are, and feel satisfied with small steps and small shrubs and the stumbles and uncertainties that come with building anything new.

I create my garden slowly, and from scratch.

MOTHERING

"One lamp- thy mother's love- amid the stars

Shall lift its pure flame changeless..."

~ Nathanial Parker Willis ~

I am a mother and I have a mother, 

and the mother relationship from both sides evolves over time. 

Like the weather, it's sometimes clear and sometimes cloudy,

Sometimes booming with thunder,

Sometimes cracking with lightening,

And sometimes clear and soft as a new snow. 

I have compassion for my mother as she ages,

And for my children as they become adults,

And my role in their lives seems to be loving and letting go,

And more loving, and more letting go,

And boundaries,

And listening,

And patience,

And courage,

And faith. 

I own my part in the ancestral bloodline. 

ON THE EDGE

"We are too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet."

~ Author Unknown ~

There is something jazzy and almost addictive about being busy and having multiple things going on at once, burning the candle at both ends, and just generally living "on the edge," as they say. But it's the edge for a reason- hard to stay on for too long, and easy to fall off. This kind of high-intensity living is not sustainable and not particularly healthy. It strips us of soft quiet moments and a feeling of peaceful ease.
     Nonetheless, life circumstances do require it at times, so when that's the case, let's step up, and when it's not, let's stand back. Balance is the key, and good health, and three square meals a day with a good night of sleep. 

I amp up when I need to, and still take time to relax. 

MISTAKES

"A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying... that he is wiser today than he was yesterday."

~ Alexander Pope ~

I have this distorted belief that if I make a mistake or a poor decision that it means I'm a bad person, as if my ability to know how things are going to turn out before they do is a reflection of my intrinsic worth. 

My father told me that I make bad decisions.

Maybe that's where this comes from.

Going forth, I want to act more fluidly and forgiving in relation to all the things that seem to be a good idea initially and then turn out not to be.

I do the best I can with the information I have. 

PERENNIALS AND ANNUALS

"The best place to seek God is in a garden.

You can dig for him there."

~ George Bernard Shaw ~

Our lives are like a flower bed 

that has a mixture of perennials and annuals. 

Some things come and are gone in a season, 

and others are planted 

to stay and grow.

The garden brings spiritual lessons to life. 

TRUE SELF

"The least initial deviation from the truth is multiplied later a thousandfold."

~ Aristotle ~

It takes courage to be authentic and show our true selves to the world, and the reward for this kind of bravery is worthwhile: we experience meaningful connections with other humans, know the peace that comes from absolute integrity, and feel the joy of unabashed self-expression.

I show up with authenticity and courage. 

THE PRESSURE OF CHOOSING

"To decide what you are going to do is a bigger task than actually doing it."

~ Valerie @ehehval ~

Decision making and doubt are brothers in arms. We choose, and then we think again about the other option- not always- but enough that we can say it happens. Weighing pros and cons and this and that always feels so heavy, as if our balance of happiness rests on the decision we make. And yet, in reality, it only leads to the next choice we have to make, and the next decision, and then the next one.

When I have made a decision, I resist the desire to revisit the choice. 

WIDE AWAKE

"Happiness is excitement that has found a settling down place. But there is always a little corner that keeps flapping around."

~ E.L. Konigsburg ~

When I am excited about the activities of my life, it's hard to stay in bed. I wake up, and I'm up: wide awake.
     Some mornings, the sheets feel particularly delicious, and snoozing and snuggling are like healing and goodness. That doesn't happen much when I'm excited about the day though. When I'm excited about the day, my energy is all charge and no linger.

Excitement energizes my body and my soul.

THE THREE KEYS

"Hear blessings dropping their blossoms around you."

~ Rumi ~

Presence, 

Gratitude, 

and 

Faith 

are the three key ingredients that make for a rich and delicious life. 

That's what I've concluded.

That's what I believe.

And that's what I am consciously living

The best I can,

One day at a time.

I live by spiritual principles.