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Sunday, March 27, 2011

FRUITLESS APPROVAL SEEKING

     I am able to see when my children are acting in ways to win my approval. And I witness my son making choices and expressing opinions to be pleasing to my fiance. He seems tied up in figuring and fretting over how to keep all of the adults in his world happy with him. It makes me sad. Only in between his pleasing activities does he find bits and pieces of his own true heart calling him and urging him.
     The irony is that he already has the approval of all of those whose approval he seeks. So the only real approval missing must be one of himself for himself. When I realized this yesterday it came like a clear light; that I do the same, that we all do. The ones we love the most, the ones who love us already, are the ones we try to impress by doing what we think they want us to do. When all they really want us to do is express our own energies in the ways that come most naturally to us. That's what I want for my children, and I believe that's what they want for me.
     Once again, the solution to personal angst is frustratingly simple. It is simply to be... to be who we are, how we are, and where we are without apology or drama; to be ok in our own skins, able to express our own happiness and our own fear, to not worry so much about what everybody else thinks of us and to stop trying to elicit predictable emotions and reactions in others by what we do or say. Doing that, thinking we have control over the way other people respond to us, is a heavy weight to carry, and pressure inappropriately placed. To each his own applies accross the board.

I do not need to seek anyone's approval today. Those who matter most in my life approve of me already, just as I am.