TOO SORRY

     It's important and useful to say, "I'm sorry." If we own our mistakes and acknowledge when we have hurt the feelings of other people, whether intentionally or by accident, it allows the energy of forgiveness to permeate our lives, which is healthy and freeing. We can more easily forgive others their wrongs if we are honest about our own, and a certain allowance for all of us being human and doing the best we can makes for flexible living and generous loving in all of our relationships.
     But we can take it too far, and many of us do. Some of us apologize for anything and everything in an effort to keep the peace, and we are accommodating and people-pleasing to a fault. But over-apologizing is seriously problematic and detrimental to our self-esteem. It is falsely humble and makes us un-necessarily pathetic. I know because I am one of these over-abundantly "sorry" types from way back. It's some sort of defense mechanism or survival tactic. We hope for appreciation but invite anger and abuse instead, much like a cowering dog.
     I'm better than I used to be, but if my vigilance is lacking, I fall back to the "sorry" space without effort and with great ease. I'm sorry for the weather and the traffic and that someone else is unhappy, or hungry, or unsure. I'm sorry that it's early or late, or if I am even the tiniest bit less than perfect. It's ridiculous. I'm grandiose in the way I take responsibility for all the misery around me, none of which is mine to own. I want to stop being so sorry habitually, because truly, I am not.

I am willing to take responsibility for things in a more right-sized manner. I am willing to reserve my "sorrys" for legitimate wrongs, and keep myself from spilling empty apologies all over the earth.