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Thursday, December 1, 2011

DISCLOSURE

     If there is something to do with myself, or my past, that I am unwilling to share with others, that I feel the need to keep secret, then chances are that I have feelings of shame surrounding it, whatever it is. While I need to be appropriate and it is certainly not my place to pour my historical drama and woundings all over people, in the right setting and format, if I want to experience freedom from guilt and shame, I must be willing to own who I am and what I've done and experienced- the good, the bad, and the ugly, straight-up. If I have made peace with my past, then there is no lingering emotional weight, but if I have secret, hesitating doubts, I may have some work to do.
     Why do we want others to perceive us as "pure," as untainted and all-knowing, ever-stalwart and steady? We've all made bad decisions and mistakes. We've trusted the wrong people and behaved in ways that were reprehensible, sometimes towards ourselves, and sometimes towards others. We've embarrassed ourselves, spoken when we should have remained quiet, thrown our energy in all the wrong places, been jealous, resentful, unsure, and riddled with doubt. These are the things that make us human. If we admit to them, we relate easily to others, and others to us. We can laugh at our own riduculousness. But if we keep our foibles locked up secretly inside of us, shamefully, and make the assumption that everyone else is white as snow and we alone are wrong and bad and fallible, we isolate ourselves un-necessarily.
     Let's be honest about ourselves as whole people, and be ok with ouselves as we are, with all of our imperfections and limitations, and all of our past wrong-doings and crazy thoughts. Let's accept ourselves and stand square on the earth, as we are, with no guilt and no shame. Let's unburden ourselves of secrets from the past, and live free and clear and in the light of right here and right now.

Keeping secrets makes me feel shameful and sick. I have the courage to share my whole self with others. My being honest gives them  permission to be honest too. We all make mistakes. That's what we are supposed to do. It's how we learn.