2019

"The rose of the old year withers away as the new bud begins to bloom."

~ Terri Guillemets ~

I let go of 2018- 

the pains, the victories, 

the courage and the hurt. 

I let go of any and all habits

that no longer serve me

and step into the new year gracefully,

and gratefully,

committed to present moment awareness,

authentic living,

and the ever opening path

that leads me forth.

I welcome the New Year!

NEW YEAR'S EVE

"Old debts shall be forgiven; old feuds forgotten, old friendships revived... the good vows shall be kept... There shall be patience, courage, faith; the dream shall become life... "

~ George William Curtis ~

I'm one who likes to get on with it and not linger in past hurts. And yet, approaching the New Year requires a certain acknowledgement of what has been. If we don't know what we're letting go of, we can't very well let go.
     And so, I let go of living out West, of the Santa Fe experience such as it was, complete with its spacious and beautiful sky, and spacious and beautiful, generous people. I let go of missing Virginia, and the process of learning through missing it that Virginia is home. I let go of my father- his life, his death, his judgments, his decisions, and his disregard of me. I let go of the hurt and the feelings associated with that. I let go of all the painful conversations and accusations that this year erupted in the people I love. I let go of searching for the farm of our longing. I let go of who I was, and who I have been, and in letting go of these things, I prepare for whatever may come, and welcome it with an empty and spacious heart.

I clear the past to make room for what's coming.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

"There will be many loving thoughts hovering around you like angels today."

~ J.R. Macduff ~

It's Happy Birthday time again for Sienna and Nick: beautiful daughter, beautiful son: 24 years old. We had a lovely Christmas together and I am learning to relax about them and let them be who they are, where they are, without my fretting and interference. My instinct is still to warn and protect, but I can keep quiet now where before I couldn't.
     And the truth is that they are both glorious! Intelligent, fit, self-reflective, confident. They are eager and passionate, and fiercely driven, while still being able to laugh with ease. I am proud to be their Mom, and grateful to be back on the East Coast where I can see them and be part of their exciting, evolving lives!

I celebrate my children!

THE FULL VIEW

"If you do not raise your eyes you will think that you are the highest point."

~ Antonio Porchia ~

When we are focused on the small task in front of us, it's easy to forget about the big scope of time and life, and become frustrated and irritable if things aren't going smoothly. At such times, visualizing a camera drawing back and back and back to reveal the full setting is helpful. It puts things in perspective, and returns us to our right size.

Every so often, I remember to take a step back.

ONWARD

"This is the day the Lord has made. let us rejoice, and be glad in it."

~ Psalm 118:24 ~

Another Christmas come and gone and the sun rises on a new day. 

Onward we go, 

with memories to carry, 

and our beautiful lives to live.

I open my eyes and welcome the day. 

MERRY MERRY

"Like snowflakes, my Christmas memories gather and dance- 

each beautiful, unique and gone too soon."

~ Deborah Whipp ~

Because of the nature of Christmas, we have lots of expectations, and yet, Christmas never goes the way we think it will or want it to. It's unpredictable. Consequently, we will be happiest approaching the day clear and open, flexible, fluid, and with a good sense of humor. That's our best guarantee for a good time- not controlling all the happenings, but surrendering to them, and letting them unfold however they may.

I allow for the unpredictability of Christmas. 

CHRISTMAS EVE

"At Christmas, all roads lead home."

~ Marjorie Holmes ~

Christmas Eve deserves our reverence and attention. It's not just another day. It's a hearthstone and a welcome-mat; a doorway into the soft glow of coming Christmas and all that it promises and cannot deliver, and all that it delivers that we cannot possibly anticipate.
     It's a preparation day for the heart and mind- to receive with grace, to relax and be flexible, and to let go of the reins and surrender to the ride.

I honor the anticipatory energy of this magical day. 

HABITS FOR GOOD

"The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken."

~ Samuel Johnson ~

Our well-being is our responsibility, and is not dependent on other people doing what we think they should do, or even our life circumstances. It has to do with our habits of action and our habits of mind. How do we take care of ourselves physically and how susceptible are we to runaway thoughts? These will be our measures, and this is the place to look for a positive shift in how we feel.

I consciously choose what I do and what I think. 

THE DEEP SEA OF PEACE WITHIN

"Man is never alone. Acknowledged or unacknowledged, that which dreams through him is always there to support him from within."

~ Laurence van der Post ~

Our moods are in constant flux. What pleases us in the morning can annoy us in the afternoon, and what excites us one day can bore us the next. Living in the come and go of our emotional winds can be buffeting.
     So where is stability then? Where is center? Where is home? It's somewhere beyond our moods, somewhere deeper. If we can learn to access the vast stillness within us, we can become lords of our emotions instead of their victim.

There is a place inside me that is always at peace. 

THE PITFALLS OF BEING HUMAN

"Forgive each other, help each other, and begin again to-morrow."

~ Louisa May Alcott ~

Forgiving others and forgiving ourselves does not mean that we condone hurtful behavior, only that we have mercy, and recognize the pitfalls of being human: that we are all loaded with the propensity for error. Plus, in forgiveness lies hope- that others, like us, may evolve in kindness as they gain in wisdom.

I let the energy of forgiveness flow freely in all directions.

MEDITATION AS A MANNER OF LIVING

"Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor."

~ Thich Nhat Hanh ~

Meditation is not some high and mighty daily event, but a practical approach to living peacefully. It's a state of mind more than a ritual of the body. It's inner quiet and lack of attachment and aversion. It's the complete and graceful acceptance of what is. And it can happen anytime and all the time. It is the simple and profound result of being aware.

I invite quiet awareness into my daily experience.

INTRICACIES

"To live remains an art which everyone must learn, and which no one can teach."

~ Havelock Ellis ~

Intricate problems require patience and flexibility.

The way through is not immediately clear.

We have to try things and learn as we try them,

And discard the approaches that don't work.

And deal with our moody frustrations as we get slowed down

and stuck.

It's a process, 

And our emotions are as engaged

As our physicality

So it's unlikely to be graceful as it goes.

But it does go, and if we can be patient,

And willing,

And flexible,

We will get there.

And then, when we get there, 

we will experience our grace.

I appreciate the puzzle-like nature of certain life situations and engage my patience to see them through.

INTEGRITY

"If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters."

~ Alan Simpson ~

If we don't do what we say we're going to do, 

if we're late, 

if we're unresponsive, 

if we're sloppy, 

it makes it challenging for others to feel fulfilled in relation to us.

Without integrity, nothing works.

I honor my word. 

STEPPING UP

"Heaven is blessed with perfect rest but the blessing of earth is toil."

~ Henry van Dyke ~

There is a time to be slow, and steady, and thoughtful, and considered, and a time to just get the job done. We overthink things and tie ourselves up in knots when we could be moving on and up.

I do what needs to be done.

SEASONAL SURRENDER

"Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childish days; that can recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth; that can transport the sailor and the traveler, thousands of miles away, back to his own fire-side and his quiet home."

~ Charles Dickens ~

I used to resist this time of year with a kind of snide sarcasm over the commercialism, overwhelming busy-ness, and money spent; but somewhere along the way I must have surrendered to all of that, because now I enjoy it- every little bit.

I stop fighting Christmas and let it in. 

OWNING OUR GROUND

"Strange how long it takes us to discover ourselves."

~ Truman Capote ~

I'm still learning how to set boundaries without guilt. I'm hardwired to please people even at my own expense. I know on an intellectual level that this kind of self-sacrifice is likely ego-driven, definitely filled with martyrdom, and that setting boundaries is healthy and the way to go... but it just doesn't come naturally to me. Still and all, it's needed and I'm working on it.

It's ok to set boundaries. 

SNOW!

"Winter came down to our home one night

Quietly pirouetting in on silvery-toed slippers of snow,

And we, we were children once again."

~ Bill Morgan Jr

Trees look lovely dressed in snow, 

and snow falling from the sky is magical beyond measure. 

And cold air feels 

delicious and fresh 

on my face.

I celebrate the blessings of winter!

STOP WORRYING AND START LIVING

"Nothing is worth more than this day."

~ Goethe ~

Let's decide not to be afraid about the future. Worrying over what may never come is wasted effort, and worrying about our inevitable end strips us of the experience of living now.
     Things work out. They always have, one way or another, and always do. Let's trust that, let go of our future fretting, and enjoy the day!

I trust my ability to deal with whatever may come. 

ENERGY BUBBLES

"Yuletide excitement is a potent caffeine, no matter your age."

~ Terri Guillemets ~

I love the feeling of giddy excitement.
It's reminiscent of childhood, an, "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy," feeling.
Life is bubbly, and good.
And it definitely doesn't happen all the time, so when it does,
I enjoy it!

I celebrate the feeling of excitement.

HIGH LOW FAST SLOW

"Days are stringed instruments and every one strikes a different note."

~ Kenneth Alfred ~

Some days seem vast with opportunity, and the hours stretch and linger.

And other days do not.

They go by in a flash,

And undone chores spill over the edges and make puddles on the floor. 

I accept the different pace of different days. 

SOUND FOUNDATIONS

"Split your own wood, and it will warm you twice."

~ Old New England Saying ~

I have been doing carpentry- repairing a rotted building and framing windows, and I have learned that carpentry is like life. 

Too much is too much, too little is too little, and just right is just right. 

Established structures are sometimes rotten and falling apart, 

while others are stubborn and take incredible effort to adjust. 

Anything can be done, 

thought and care and managing risk is required, 

and perfection is for the textbooks. 

The reward is in the transformation, 

old and new can mix graciously together, 

carpenter ants and termites can be insanely destructive, 

and maintenance matters.

I take care of the structures in my life. 

THE REALITY

"What a piece of work is man!"

~ Wesley Douglass Camp ~

I can go along for a time feeling all calm and spiritual, and then something triggers me and I act like I'm 5. And this happens over and over. I am certain I've got it at last, that nothing can get to me, and then, whammo, I'm an irritable child.
     And rather than be upset with myself, I can be understanding, and have compassion. I can have a sense of humor, and trust that sooner or later, I will bounce back.

I am an emotional and sensitive being, and can be moody, as well as wise.