ECHO

"Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes along."

~ Samuel Butler ~

The echo of a traumatic experience reverberates through our soul and our cells like a vibrating drum. 

It rattles and pounds.

The song of it moves through us, 

And we do better to let it move, 

And sway, 

And create rhythm,

Than to resist it and

want it to hush. 

I allow experience to make its trail through me. 

SHOWING UP

"You get what you get and you don't pitch a fit."

~ Mia ~ 

There's no real way to gear up for something coming- physically maybe- but not emotionally, not psychically, not spiritually. We can't know, in advance, how an event might open or close something within us; how it might test us, or reward us, or elevate us, or sink us, so anticipation has its limits. The best we can do is show up and commit to being awake and aware as we go through the experience. 

I surrender to the journey, wherever it may lead. 

WHOLENESS

"To the extent that we can discover our own unique balance, we are whole... and once whole, we can truly dance like the free spirits we are."

~ Garri Garripoli ~

My personality has many aspects: childlike, fearful, loving, creative, spiritual, leader-oriented, student-oriented, independent, natural, technological, courageous, cautious, insightful, and blind. And, though it might appear that all of these facets make me divided within, on the contrary, they make me whole.

All the elements of life itself exist inside my being.

MAGNET

"Having too many things about us is a certain confusion..."

~ Oscar C. McCullouch ~

We have a magnet on our refrigerator advertising a self-storage facility 

and it says, 

"A place for space." 

I have always liked that. 

It seems relevant, 

and like something each of us, 

in a slightly different context, 

is.

I unclutter my inner being and allow for spaciousness within. 

NICK

"Treat the patient."

~ James M. Hunter ~

My son, Nick, is having 

a surgical procedure when the day dawns-

a piece of his top right rib

removed.

Fairly straightforward

we are told,

And still we arrive unsure,

and ask for blessings.

And even in the best case scenario

there is still the hospital experience

overnight

or two.

And coming to after general anesthesia

and body pain

and shock.

No matter how you look at it,

Recovery comes at a cost.

I am willing to experience whatever there is to experience.

SIGNIFICANCE

"Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be."

~ Grandma Moses ~

Things happen in life and we give them significance, 

create an internal narrative, 

usually in such a way that our egos come out as heroes, 

or victims. 

And creating all this meaning around events is exhausting.

I remember when my twins were little and learned the word, 

"Why?" 

Whatever they thought of or saw: 

"Why, Mommy?" 

And, being an industrious, eager new mother, 

I would answer their questions to the best of my ability, 

in response to which they would say, 

"Why?"

     

Today, the best response to "Why?" I know is that 

there is no why, 

there just is.

Creating meaning out of every little life happening is exhausting and unnecessary.

BUCKLED

"Do not grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form."

~ Rumi ~

To be brought to our knees is not necessarily a bad thing. 

Learning surrender may be the most powerful learning there is.

I relax, trust, and let go. 

TUG-OF-WAR

"Gazing into the lamp of emotional attachment, we are burnt, like moths in a flame."

~ Sri Guru Granth Sahib ~

Fear is an apparition, and maybe so is desire. 

They are not unlike each other. 

The one pushes us away and 

the other pulls us to it, 

but both effects are future driven 

and 

involve us in a tug-of-war.

I need not be jolted about by attachments. 

I choose to live free. 

BALANCE

"Practice compassion."

~ Dalai Lama ~

Balance is compassion in a way. It's understanding and appreciating two seemingly opposed influences, and bringing them to a space where unity is possible. We tend to prefer skewed thinking- all one way or the other. But to maintain balance is far more interesting, and better pleasing to the senses. Think of a seesaw: to keep both ends suspended is a flowing ride of give and take, and to lose the opposition is to thud uncomfortably to the ground.

I maintain equilibrium by owning the opposites that exist in me and in the world. 

BEAUTY AND GOODNESS

"There are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the earth."

~ Rumi ~

When we are able to be present enough, we can easily see all the ways we are fortunate and graced by beauty and goodness. 

And even if we can't see it, it's nonetheless true.

I look around and see. 

VOICES

"Nine men out of ten obsequiously follow the tenth man."

~ James Lendall Basford ~

There will always be voices in the world that will tell us our ideas won't work, that they are, in fact, bad ideas, or faulty ones. And less prevalent, but also available, are those who get excited with us, and tell us we have surely hit pay dirt.
     None of these external opinions, however, have access to our inner voice, which is the one that drives the idea, so the relevant question, in terms of our life satisfaction, is, which voice do we listen to, and which do we ignore?

Opinions of all kinds are cheap and spread like a virus. 

TREE PROJECT

"There's no expiration date on the process."

~ Ildy Modrovich ~

I have transplanted 216 small dormant trees from the woods on our property to the roadside so that come spring, when they start to grow again, they might evolve into a lovely kind of privacy screen.  It's not been an easy job, nor a particularly enjoyable one, and I have been eager to get it done so I can move on to other projects. Today though, as I was nearing planting and staking completion, I understood clearly that the effort would not suddenly be over, and that what I have created is actually an ongoing partnership. Pruning, watering, re-staking- all of these will be required in the year to come, and maintenance and care for the trees' lifetimes, or my own.
     We like our check-off lists and no loose ends, but so much of what we engage in is a continuous process. It goes on, as we go on, and shifts, as we do, with the seasons and the day.

I stop aiming for things to be over and just let them be.

A CONCEPT FOR CONSIDERATION

"Take a step in some direction."

~ Robert Brault ~

The massive cultural concept we all sell ourselves is that a point of arrival is not only possible, but desirable, and the self help industry gives us the steps to get there.
5 steps to happiness,
3 steps to financial freedom,
7 steps to success.
It's made to be simple- a guaranteed process: follow the plan and get the result.
But for all of us who have set out to achieve something and achieved it (in other words, all of us) we know that the achievement itself is just another step to somewhere else we're going entirely...
And more often than not, we don't even know where that is.
We're just on the steps.
So here's a concept for consideration: that much as we long for security and stability, we actually want things to change and to keep changing, because that's the direction and the urgent, uncomplicated business of life itself.
We keep pushing to get to some point where there's no stress and we have no problems and all is light and bubbles and happiness, but that's not life! That's death.
So as long as we're alive, we better get the point of it, and embrace the dynamic, rhythmic, changing, daily, nature of our feelings and our circumstances and our energy and our guts.

I embrace the changing nature of my life experience. 

THIS AND THAT

"I contain multitudes."

~ Walt Whitman ~

Music, silence,

Morning, midnight, 

Sweet, savory, 

Hot, cold,

Sometimes I am tired and I can't sleep.

And sometimes I am happy and I weep.

Life is full of opposites and paradox. 

FLEXIBILITY

"The rung of a ladder was never meant to rest upon, but only to hold a man's foot long enough to enable him to put the other somewhat higher."

~ Thomas Henry Huxley ~

Plans help us get started, but they don't generally take us all the way home.

Energy moves in unexpected directions and if we're smart we'll ride the currents where they go.

I used to get upset when I had to deviate from my mission,

And feel like there was something wrong,

But now I understand about the unknown.

It claims it's place in every project,

And creates possibilities that otherwise

Couldn't exist.

I make plans and stay curious. I never know what may or may not play out.  

ENVIRONMENTAL SHIFT

"It's humbling to start fresh. It takes a lot of courage."

~ Jennifer Ritchie Payette ~

When we change something in a room- move a piece of furniture, hang a new picture on the wall- it changes the way everything else exists in relation to each other as well. There's a total environment shift. And isn't it the same when we make changes personally? Nothing is unaffected by the new dynamic, and nothing goes untouched.

I acknowledge that every action I take has a ripple effect. 

PHILOSOPHY

"The great business of life is to be, to do, to do without, and to depart."

~ John Viscount Morley ~

As it turns out, life is not about achievement.

And it's not about a smooth ride,

or pleasure,

or ease.

Life is about living, and that means 

All of it.

The ups, the downs,

The roundabouts,

And curly cues,

The deep dives,

the shallow shores,

the mist,

and the 

core. 

I live to experience life. 

ADAPTABILITY

"I am learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma."

~ Eartha Kitt ~

I believe we have a tendency to over-rate security, or, at the very least, to misunderstand it.

We aim for stability in finances, in relationships and in the things we own.

And yet, all of these are fluid, and as potentially changeable as the sky.

Our real security is where we cannot even properly perceive it-

It's in our ability to learn,

to adapt,

to heal,

and to forgive and start over as many times as we need to, 

And then again.

I trust my staying power. 

HOT AND COLD

"Wellness is the art of healing before you're sick."

~ Terri Guillemets ~

When I am cold, usually in the evenings, I love heat- the heat of fireplaces and down covers; and when I am hot, usually in the mornings, I love cold. I sit outside and have breakfast wrapped in a blanket when it's 30 degrees outside.
     And almost anytime, I love the sun. It's more than warm. It's life giving energy, and grows me like a plant.

I seek the things that soothe me, and avoid the things that don't. 

HOW WILL WE GO?

"Take interest in the things that are and are to be, and not in the things that were and are past."

~ Henry Ward Beecher ~

Into the New Year we plunge.

Will we be reckless?

Thoughtful?

Will we slow down? 

Speed up?

How will we characterize this time?

These days?

This winter and the coming spring?

Will we do what we've always done

Or make subtle changes

And wear life easier

And looser

And 

Feel free?

I am curious about 2020. 

R AND R

"It is meat for the hungry, drink for the thirsty, heat for the cold, and cold for the hot.. It is the current coin that purchases all the pleasures of the world..."

~ Miguel de Cervantes ~

Sometimes life requires extra sleep. 

I honor my body's need to recover from experience. 

WHAT'S NEXT?

"Time marches on."

~ American Saying ~

Now we are past New Years, what's next?

Today, tomorrow, and then the next day.

And again.

And again.

We keep on getting up and doing our thing,

And the richness of life is not in Holidays,

but in all the little details

of each day,

and each moment of our lives.

I appreciate the little things.