THE SHADOW OF FEAR

"Fear has a large shadow, but he himself is small."

~Ruth Gendler~

If I am honest with myself and take the time to think things through, I believe I would realize that I am not as afraid as I think I am- not of financial insecurity, or physical hardship, or emotional challenge, or even death.
     Fear is a trap that makes me think I have more control over things than I do. But if I can find a way to let go of the fear, then I am free and safe and ever-ok. And that's the scariest thing of all. We hook ourselves into our insecurities as if they have the power to support us and sustain us, but they do not. Only our letting go does that, and our trusting the process, and our faith.

Thinking I can control all aspects of my life doesn't make me safe. It's a grand illusion. I call my fear for what it is and become willing to let go.

BEING HUMAN

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."

~Kahlil Gibran~

 

I have a well of sadness within me as well as a pool of joy, and sometimes the sadness is bigger than the joy and all-consuming. It fills me and surrounds me and feels almost primordial. It has to do with the hardness of life and the suffering we all must endure as human beings- the suffering of our bodies and our fragile spirits. It's all mixed up with compassion and love. And it's not dark or depressing so much as it is heavy. I feel the weight of how hard we all try on a daily basis to live good lives and be successful and hope for a little bit of affection and attention. I feel our misunderstandings and childhood heartaches. I feel our dashed expectations and courage against all odds.

     We are strong in so many ways and so beautiful, and yet, we can be dashed and discounted in a flash, cut to the core with a word or a look, and hurt irreparably by the ones who should love us the most.

I have compassion for the sadness and the suffering of the world.

THE GO-THROUGH

"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states that we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it."

~ Anais Nin~

Sometimes the most important thing is just to go through the go-through, and the process of moving forward leads us somewhere, even if it's not exactly where we expected to be. Mis-steps and false starts and less-than-great decisions all journey us forth in their own way, and we always seem to end up getting what we need and learning just what we are supposed to know.

I am grateful for the forward motion of my life.

FREE TIME

"Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."

~AA Milne~

Most of the time in my life I am busy with multiple projects and I have a never-ending to-do list like a running tab at the bar. So when I am faced unexpectedly with free time and find myself unusually "caught-up" with things, I feel almost lost.
     Idleness and relaxation are not natural states for me. I am busy and productive and on-the-go so much- too much- such that I must now learn anew, especially at this Christmas-time, how to be unstructured and at ease.

I do not have to pack every moment of my life with activity, even if I think I do. I am willing to allow for free time.

STEPS OF LIFE

"What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step..."

~Antoine de Saint Exupery ~

 

We can make things out to be more dramatic than they are. If we allow ourselves to do it, we can live in perpetual crises. And there is a certain excitement in that. But truthfully, all of life can only be taken by putting one foot in front of the other again and again and again. We try things. We make mistakes and suffer tragedies. We learn. We succeed. We rally. We fall. And all those around us do the same.

     Life is not complicated unless we make it that way. Life is the simple process of steps and more steps- one first, and then another.

I take all the happenings of my life in stride.

RIP-TIDE

"You don't have to fight... Just share the same spirit as the water, and it will help you move."

~Aleksandr Popov~

It seems natural to think that more effort and more force should result in more success, but it doesn't always. Sometimes the currents are just going in the other direction and pushing against them creates nothing but friction. If we want something badly enough it seems as if there should be a way to get it, but there isn't always. Some things are just not meant to be.
     The lesson is to surrender to the tide, to recognize the way it's flowing and stop trying to muscle against it to make headway. We have to let the current move us in whatever way it's going and not fight against it. We have to find a way to trust that eventually it will release us in the best possible place. We are at the mercy of the rip-tide and not the other way around.

I stop trying to force my agenda on life and surrender to the way things seem to naturally flow.

WINTER DAYS

"Drink deep this December vintage. The first sip may chill, but a full draught warms and invigorates."

~John Burroughs~

I love the feeling of cold, fresh air on my face and in my lungs. It feels clean. I like to walk in it and see my breath in clouds and ice on puddles. I like the way it makes my cheeks red when I come back inside, and I love the winter sunshine coming through windows.
     Heat and warm covers and fireplaces and hot drinks compliment a cold day perfectly, and add to the unsurpassed pleasure of a frosty morning or a brisk afternoon.

I celebrate the cold and enjoy the gifts of winter.