SALVATION IN THE MOMENT

"In almost every age in almost every part of the world, human beings have had to live their normal lives and do their normal business under conditions of uncertainty, danger, and distress..." 

~ Arnold J. Toynbee ~

The other day, I heard someone say that what made him angry were the things he couldn't control, and that seemed important somehow. I go along happily, thinking I am spiritually fit and full of acceptance and patience and well-being, and then I'm hit with news of something bigger than me- something I have to go through that I don't want to go through, and the result is anger- subterranean anger, but anger nonetheless. And it makes me realize how attached I am to controlling things, to the idea of my own power, and how invested I am in getting what I think I want, which primarily consists of certainty.

     I am less good at not knowing than I care to admit, which makes me a little short on faith I guess, and especially when it really counts. I seem to want relief more than process, and finality rather than evolution. I recognize that this perspective is a bit marred, but it gives me something to work on. I can catch myself in a state of agitation and fear and take a deep breath, and then another. The answer, I think, is to stay in the moment, and appreciate what's right in front of me and the only real certainty I have which is the reality of right now.

I save myself from catastrophic thinking by taking a deep breath.

THE DAILY BUFFET

"Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork." 

~ English Proverb ~

Sometimes it seems like a good idea to overfill our plates. Everything looks so delicious, and we feel hungry and deserving of a bit of excess. Life owes us somehow, and we have earned the right to take a taste of everything. But if we eat it all, we feel sick. It is too much, overdone, and rough on our digestion and our spirits.
     Let's set some limits instead, and choose only a few things, and each of these for a good reason, in manageable portions, and a pleasing combination of colors and textures on our plate.

I fill the metaphorical plate of my life with great care, and do not slap on volumes of questionable items like a starving man at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

THE LIMITATIONS OF BEING A LONE WOLF

"The 'i' in illness is isolation, and the crucial letters in wellness are 'we.'" 

~Author Unknown ~

Once in a while, I have lone wolf fantasies. I imagine living in complete isolation and doing exactly as I please, because loving others can be such hard work. It’s so deeply emotional, and carries me up and down and in circles. I sometimes get dizzy from spinning in emotional circles.

     But the answer is not in separation, not really. It’s in honoring and feeling and experiencing the journey of life. It’s in sharing the ride, with all of its twists and turns, in being able to look back together- with laughter, with tears, with quiet nostalgia. Solo might be easier in the short run, but in the long run, it lacks the depth of connected experience across time.

I travel the road in the company of those I love, and together we face whatever comes.

TRUTH

"You can't run away from trouble. There 'aint no place that far." 

~ Uncle Remus ~

When life is not going along the way I want it to, I get in this place- this mindset- where I feel like I have to do something. I have to make some big life changing decision to transform everything and prevent difficulty from ever happening again. I want to make this big choice that will save me from pain, hurt, discomfort, and fear forever and all time.
     But no such choice is possible. Life has these things built in, and that's just the way it is. And they come, not to hurt us, not to beat us down, but to soften and sweeten us. Hardship comes to tune us in to love, compassion, and forgiveness, which are what really matter in the end anyway: not ambition, success, fame, or wealth, but tenderness, kindness, and a loving heart.

A meaningful life has hurt and hardship in it. That's the sand that makes us into pearls.

THE PROCESS OF PROCESSING

"A man must find time for himself." 

~ Carl Sandburg ~

As a general rule, I think we take too little time in life to integrate our experiences. We rush from one thing to the next and never stop to process our feelings, the implications of what we've been through, or the lessons we may have learned. We live in a rush and a blur.
     Let's not. Let's reflect, consider, and absorb the things that happen to us- regularly, frequently, faithfully, and as an ongoing way of life.

I allow myself time for self-reflection.

LETTING GO OF GRASPING

"Surrender to win." 

~ Laura Harris ~

When things feel out-of-control, it's scary, and I try to hold on and grab for certainty wherever I can. And rather than trust the process, I often throw my weight around in an effort to find a foothold. But security does not come from grasping or insisting. It comes, paradoxically, from surrendering completely and releasing my grasp.

I don't have to let the things I can't control control me.

TWO HALVES OF A WHOLE

"Be melting snow. Wash yourself of yourself." 

~ Rumi ~

One part of me is a loving caretaker of myself, and the other part is hateful and self-deprecating: half-love, half-doubt. I rally forth with enthusiasm and courage and draw back in shame. I am my own push-me, pull-you, my own inspiration, and my own demise.

I have a good-cop, bad-cop routine going on inside of me, but I have a choice when it comes to what information I act on, and what I believe.