OPEN SPACE

"What we're waiting for now is male rain. Big, booming, wait-till-your-father-gets-home cloudbursts that bully up from Mexico and threaten to rip the sky."

~ Barbara Kingsolver ~

Waiting for an answer is open space-
It could be a yes, or it could be a no,
And as long as we're waiting both possibilities remain...
Which creates tension-
What if imaginings... 
Fear...
Excitement...
And then all of that bubbling energy

Stops 

as soon as the answer 
Comes.
It shifts to the new energy
of 
Next step excitement 

or
Acceptance

that it's

Done.

I suffer from attachment to outcomes that may or may not play out.

THE SHAPE

"I will wear my heart upon my sleeve."

~ William Shakespeare ~

Feelings shape our experience.

When we feel guilty, we are shrunken.

When we feel anxious, we are strangled and voiceless.

When we feel afraid, we are 

Stopped.

When we feel light hearted, we are playful.

When we feel joyful, and happy, we laugh.

And when we feel safe, 

Safe,

Safe... 

It is then,

Finally, that

We are 

At ease.

I take the ride.

THE TWIST

 "Through a looking glass darkly..."

~ Swedish Film Title ~

Sometimes we think we see more clearly than we actually 

Do see.

Something seems apparent to us,

Obvious,

And then, 

In some twist of circumstance,

We realize

That we have been wrong all along,

Mistaken,

Perceived something amiss.

It happens frequently-

More frequently, perhaps,

Than we want to admit.

Being certain about something doesn't make me right. 

BEING SEEN

"All are but parts of one stupendous whole whose body Nature is and God the soul."

~ Alexander Pope ~

There may be things more powerful than connecting with other sentient beings

But I don't know what they are.

In community,

We are lifted,

Validated,

Awakened,

Seen.

I am not alone. 

THE HALLWAY

"When one door closes, another one opens, but it's hell in the hallway."

~ American Saying ~ 

I'm in the hallway-

Can't go back-

Don't want to go back-

But not clear where the new door is,

Disoriented,

Waiting for the light. 

It's ok to be still and to not know. 

ALL IN

"You can't be just a little bit pregnant."

~ American Idiom ~

In new territory, old fixes

Are questionably effective.

We can't be half-in and half-out,

Wanting to keep what we like from what has been

And open to only some of what's in front of us and 

unfamiliar.

It's not all or nothing with everything,

But it is here.

If we want a new life

We have to be ALL IN.

I let go and surrender. 

 

SOUL SHRINKER

"I am my own affirmative that transcends all negatives and denials,

The day renounces me- and I sink my roots deeper into the centuries."

~ Muriel Strode ~

In a deck of Oracle cards I used to use frequently, 

There is a card called "Soul Shrinker,"

And choosing it represents unhelpful, malicious, gossipy talk or thoughts

About ourselves or others.

I have been noticing recently how much that energy wants to play

In my life- around myself more than others- and my choices, 

And everything about who I am in the world.

As the card suggests, it shrinks my soul, and takes me down.

Worth being aware of?

Absolutely!

Worth bothering with beyond that? 

Worth believing?

Worth attaching to?

Absolutely not!

I don't have to believe everything I think.