SEEKING THE FIX

     I find it interesting that when we seek pleasure by means of an external substance that seems enticing and romantic and full of promise, so often the very thing we seek as a solution ends up creating a problem for us instead. Initially, the enormous hot fudge sundae, or the pill, or the drink seems to be just the thing. There is a period of relief and gratitude- a momentary "aaahhhh," and a sense that all is well. But by the last bite of the indulgent dessert, a sickness settles in our belly from too much sugar and sweetness, and the booze and pills leave us head-achy, thick-tongued, and mentally fuzzy at best.
     So much harm occurs under the guise of "fun." We think if we can change the conditions of life with a little chemical help (and I think if we're honest, we need to count sugar in this category) then all of our worries will be over, but the external "fix" just ends up adding to our mounting list of woes. Still, it's not instantaneous. There is that momentary fulfillment of hope, which is why external pleasure seeking is such dangerous business. It's sneaky, and seductive, and insidious. But in the end, it does nothing but rob us of its spectacular promises.
     Real pleasure, it seems to me, comes from welcoming life however it comes and having the faith to trust whatever happens; finding beauty in each day's experience, and recognizing that if we are miserable, we have to make our adjustment on the inside. In the final analysis, there's no such thing as an external fix... at least, not one that lasts. "On the inside" is where it all happens. "On the inside" is the only place where real happiness lives.

I do not seek my happiness in external things. I recognize that happiness and good living are an inside job, and that inside is where I have to look for them.

SOUL INCLINATION

     I believe we are meant to honor the inclinations of our souls. One soul dreams of lounging in a hammock and living life by the sound of waves, and another is driven to extreme productivity and corporate success. One soul envisions herself dancing in the ballet, and another wants to break the Olympic record for speed skating.
     Some dreams are fanciful and do not endure. They "go out" like spring fashions. But others do not "go out," and will not leave us, even if we make gallant attempts to ignore them, even if we insist that they go away because they taunt us with their seeming impossibility. These are the longings we must pay attention to. I believe they are meant to direct our path and guide the passage of our journey through life. There's something in us that is perfectly fitted to our dreams and visions, and we are meant to acknowledge it and express it and learn from the places it takes us.
     So often we drown our vision with negativity and sour grapes, with alcohol, food, drama, and despair. But why not step towards it, even if we are unsure? Why not believe in ourselves for a change, and believe in possibility and hope and even miracles? What do we have to lose by trying? And what if, by our trying, we actually experience success?

I let my dreams guide my steps. I am drawn in the direction that is best suited for the evolution of my spirit, and that most honors the particular gifts I have to share.

HEART

     We can do without coordination, artistic gifts, social graces, money, approval, and even intimacy, but life is a flat experience without heart. We need it. For a life worth living, we need that spirit within us that gets excited over possibilities and is tireless and scrappy and not easy giving up. It's heart that inspires us and heart that keeps us going when the chips are down. It's heart that makes us powerful beyond our widlest dreams and capable beyond all expectations. It's white hot desire and inner umph. It's The Little Engine That Could and Secretariat. It's the underdogs of the world that come from out of nowhere and blow our minds with their spirit and dedication and ability to do what they should not reasonably be able to do.
     But it doesn't have to be as grand and explosive as all of that. It can be as simple as living with enthusiasm, and living beyond the level of going through the motions. There are walking dead among us. They are dis-interested in life, and victims of everything that happens. They are darkness and oozing; energy vampires. They are parasites, and do not bring anything to their own life experience. They have no enthusiasm of their own, so they suck ours from us. They lack heart. Let's not be them!
     Let's get excited about something! There are choices and options and alternatives galore. The only thing that limits us is our imagination and age-old fears. Let's feel our fears and go forward anyway! Let's do the things that call to us! Let's give them a shot. We have nothing to lose and a world of experience to gain. Let's do it! Let's live with heart.

I allow myself to get excited about all of the possibilities of my life. If I feel stuck, I am willing to shake things up. I call on my heart to guide me. I invite enthusiasm and passion into my life.

GIVING THANKS

     It seems appropriate to take a few moments to actively practice gratitude on this Thanksgiving day, to acknowledge those things in life for which I am grateful, and to do something to demonstrate my level of appreciation. It is not enough to simply feel grateful, although it's a good start. If I appreciate my car, I can keep it clean, and properly maintained. If I appreciate my health, I can take care to eat well and get enough sleep, and to stretch and exercise and not over-do. The way I behave towards things and people shows my appreciation for them, or my disregard.
     If I declare my gratitude but do not demonstrate it through action, it lacks sincerity; much like saying "I'm sorry," for something and then repeating the behavior I have just apologized for. If I am truly sorry, the point is to change my behavior, and if I am truly grateful, the point is to express my gratitude in action.
     I am blessed in so many ways, but today, I am especially grateful for having a home. I have always had a place to live, and the locations and structures have been pleasant and frustrating in varying degrees, but never before have I felt the support of roots beneath me and solid love behind me that I now feel. And by contributing my loving part to those who share this space and this place, I demonstrate my deep appreciation. I cannot give enough love for all the appreciation I feel.

I give thanks for my life's blessings and show my appreciation through action.

  

GETTING SOAKED

     Every so often, I think it's healthy to get soaked in the rain. When I don't resist it, the rain feels cleansing. And it's a wonderful exercise in surrendering to just let it get me wet. I went for a walk yesterday and it was misting. The air was damp, but chilly and fresh, and invigorating. I imagined I could have been walking in England. I enjoyed the fog and the wet world smells. And then it began to rain with much steadier intention, and I had an initial reactive "oh no" response.
     I began by wishing I had thought to bring an umbrella, or a different coat, or a hat. And I considered that I was too far from home to be able to rush back and stay mostly dry. So there was nothing for it but to walk on and let the rain fall all over me and drip in my eyes, which I did. It was a wetness progression. My hair got wet first, and my face, and the front of my jacket. And then slowly, I began to feel it through my bluejeans, and seeping through my sneakers.
     I watched with amusement as Boss, our German Shepard puppy, leaped and splashed through every puddle and rivulet of water that he could find, and got himself covered in mud. Part of me wanted to make him stop so I wouldn't have to deal with cleaning him up, but I couldn't bring myself to discipline him for expressing his spirit and having such fun. I figured I could learn a bit about the whole experience by sharing in his joy.
     We collapsed together on a rug in the laundry room when we got home and toweled off. He shook and wrestled with me and bit at the towel. And when we were done, I gave him a treat, and I changed clothes, and ran a load of laundry. And I felt good. I was warm and dry, but I had been out in the weather and had experienced the full element of the afternoon. I was happy for my water loving partner, and that we had shared a rain-soaking walk.

I experience the outdoors and am not afraid to get dirty or wet. I catch myself saying no to something that sounds like fun just because it might be messy, and say yes instead.

EVERYDAY HARVEST

     Complacency, entitlement, and boredom are kissing cousins, and all of them the enemy of gratitude and compassion. There are few postures more unattractive than complacency. It is disinterest at its loudest, a kind of jaded snobbery that belittles everything in its path. And entitlement is much the same. It seems to say, "I'm important and you are not." And it is the complacent and entitled who are "bored."
     Gratitude is never bored. Gratitude sees beauty and possibility in everything. It is expansive and all-embracing. It is satisfied and content. Gratitude has compassion for complacency and understands it as an unhappy internal position, a lingering view of deprivation. Gratitude focuses on abundance instead. It is big-hearted and forgiving.
     Let's walk the path of gratitude starting now and going forth. Let's want what we have and appreciate whatever comes. Let's be bigger than complacency, bigger than entitlement, and bigger than boredom. Let's celebrate the bountiful harvest of our every day life experience.

I wake every morning with fresh eyes and an open heart. I am full of wonder and gratitude for my life.

LOVE ONE WAY OR THE OTHER

     Although I do believe in shades of grey, it seems to me that fundamentally everything in life is driven by one of two emotions, either love, or fear. And I don't think that fear is the absence of love so much as it is love that is blocked by an error in perception. So, in the end, perhaps everything is simply love- everything. We are either expressing love or expressing our being blocked from love. We are like a channel or a pipeline, and when we are clear, love flows through us like light through a window. We feel hopeful and grateful. We feel joy and happiness. We are playful, and patient, and enjoying our life.
     And then we become blocked from love, all too frequently- by disappointment and dashed expectations, by hurt and pain and financial fear, by critical judgment of ourselves and others. When we are blocked, love cannot move through us, and we feel nothing but darkness and emotional murk.
     We are all varying levels of clear and blocked- some of us easier to clear than others, and some of us so accustomed to being blocked that it has become a way of life to be miserable. We are all like a garden and easily over-taken with weeds and vines and out-of-control growth. With attention and time, and the desire to clean things up, we can all be clear, but it takes regular maintenence and all the honesty we have within us. We have to be willing to look, and to see, and to cut things away. We have to pare back and uproot and fortify what we want to grow stronger.
     Let's be honest about what energy we are expressing. Are we loving? Or are we blocked? And if we are blocked, what can we clear away to open ourselves to the light once again?

I tend to my inner garden and I am willing to do some weeding and neaten things up so that I can feel clear and full of light.