THE ILLUSION OF CARE-TAKING

     There is a point at which our doing for others actually disables them. This fact is important to recognize,  particularly for parents, and perhaps even more for mothers than for fathers. Years of taking care of our childrens' needs forms a care-taking habit. But we have to outgrow it at some point or we become agents of stunting growth. We have to let them- children, lovers, friends, parents, whoever- take responsibility for their own journey, their own momentum, and their own daily care.
     By feeling compelled to smooth over all of the rough edges for the people we love, and make it all ok for them no matter what, and to "do" for them, and fuss and bother over them constantly, we kill their autonomy and pride and the rewarding internal space that is the result of being self-propelled. We can love- yes! We can love with our whole selves, but real love doesn't mean "doing for." Real love is about trusting others to know what they need and giving them the reins and the freedom to establish their own ground.

I relinquish control of care-taking others who are more than capable of care-taking themselves.