Tuesday, March 11, 2014


"I was right not to be afraid of any thief but myself, who will end by leaving me nothing."
~Katherine Anne Porter~
I spend a lot of time unconsciously trying to prove myself, trying to prove that I'm not only good enough, but that I'm somehow the best there is. I force myself to do more, be more, and give more than is reasonable day after day after day. This practice relieves me of guilt and helps me sleep well at night, so that's a payoff, but the cost is equally high, if not greater.
     Such extreme daily effort takes a toll on my body and my spirit. By the end of the week I am dried up and worn out so that I thank God for the weekends to lick my wounds and re-group. But then, only partially recovered, I start all over again on Mondays, so that I am operating continuously in a state of depletion.
     Living this way is not a necessity, though I might pretend that it is. It's a choice. So this is my confession. I want to make a few small conscious changes in adjusting my schedule in order to better care for myself. If I make decisions that honor the limited resource that is me, then maybe I will feel better all around and all the time.

My self-worth begins with the way that I value myself.