TRUST

     Why do we always go to the worst possible scenario as the likely outcome? We make assumptions based on fear, negativity, and a tremendous lack of trust- in ourselves, in our bodies, and in the rolling currents of life. We are sure this terrible thing is going to happen, or that terrible thing.
     But as far as I know, none of us has ever had to deal with anything that simply could not be handled. Whatever it is, we end up handling it- with help if we need it, and one little bit at a time, but always somehow or other, and we evolve through the process. We face tough situations, and yet, we endure, and even with a certain amount of humor and grace if we're lucky. In general, things usually turn out better than we think they will... in the end. So for a change, let's imagine that it will be ok- whatever it is- and that it might not be a disaster and the worst possible thing after all.

Whatever happens, or might happen, I trust that it will ultimately be ok.

KEEPING IT SAFE

     Some people avoid the personal at all costs. They converse on the level of history and politics and public information. Their passions circulate around social issues and disturbing things they have read about in books, or the newspaper. They seem to lack an instinct for intimacy. They are all guard and defense: highly competent in the art of distraction.
     Looking for love from these people is frustrating at best. It's better, perhaps, to cease expecting anything from them, and to join them in the realm of their carefully chosen safely discussible topics, and to have compassion for their limited ability to access the contents of their soul. These people love us simply by showing up and making conversation. For now, and maybe forever, it's the best they can do.

I accept people's differing levels of conversational comfort, and understand that the personal is too personal for some.

LEAVES

     Summertime is a wild abundance of leaves: pear-shaped, heart-shaped, pointed, jagged, round, small and multitudinous, big and single, with berries, without them, leaves of high-bred plants, of stubby trees, and gracious ones, of flowers, vegetables, and weeds. Life in the summer is a leaf explosion! It's overgrowth and shade and tangle and brush.
     On our walks, let's take the time to notice the wondrous variety of living, growing green-ness, and appreciate the paradisical quality of leaves... and the scent of honeysuckle, and the twitter of birds, and squirrels rustling. Nature is abundant sustenance for our spirits, if we only pay attention; if we only listen and watch; if we only notice what's there. All manner of small critters and insects populate the bushes and hide in the leaves. Tiny flowers, little bright spots of color, pop up in the most unlikely of places. And delightful surprises are everywhere, and free... just for us! Just because we are walking, and just because we take the time to see.

I appreciate the dense greenery all around me and notice the beautiful details of nature wherever I go.

HARD WORK

     There is a difference between the relaxation we feel lounging around all day, and the relaxation we feel after being productive and hours of hard work. Though both have their place, most of the time, I prefer the latter. It is satisfying to the core, and guilt-free. Hard work is its own reward. So the saying goes, and I believe it to be true. Feeling useful, experiencing ourselves making a difference- in the garden, with people, progressing along a path of achievement, making strides, making a visible impact, or making an invisible impact that is felt in the blood- these things enrich us. Hard work builds confidence and builds character. It exhausts us in the purest of ways. People who prefer sloth are missing out.
     There's nothing like the end-of-day feeling after giving our all to life, and it cannot be replicated. Only our labor will bring the result. It is sweetly drained and ready for the renewal of a good meal and a night of sleep. It is purpose fulfilled, and energy efficiently burned. It's worth every ounce of the effort, and then some.

When I give the day everything I have to give, I feel profound satisfaction and fulfillment when the sun goes down.

PREPARING THE HEART

     Surprise visits, and surprise parties, are over-rated in my opinion. There is something startling about them, and jarring almost. We don't have the time or opportunity to prepare our hearts. Anticipation is a wonderful thing. To know that there is going to be a party in our honor, and that people we love will be there, is spirit-food for weeks leading up to the event. Surprise in the details is one thing- unexpected guests from afar, live music, or the specific nature of the decorations, the flowers, the venue, etc... but to drop the whole thing on us unsuspecting is shocking, actually, and not always as much fun as it might initially seem. It's almost a burden. Something is suddenly expected of us and we are completely unprepared for it. I like to be prepared as much as possible.
     And I like to be able to look forward to things. Maybe it has something to do with my childhood. I feel more comfortable and grounded knowing generally what's going to be happening. If plans change, I can adapt, and alter my momentum- not always gracefully, but I can do it. But I don't want to be left completely in the dark. Surprise me, and my body goes straight to fight or flight mode. I am tense and suddenly edgy: struck like a deer in the headlights. Where is the fun in that?

Save the surprises. There is a certain comfort in the anticipation of events. It gives me time to prepare my heart.

INDEPENDENT HAPPINESS

     We can be happy and ok within ourselves even if the people around us are miserable, grouchy, sick, dysfunctional, or hostile. Our well-being does not depend on anyone else being any particular way, although we think it does. It feels wrong, or selfish, to be happy, when our child, or our spouse, or our parent is suffering. We impose suffering on ourselves so that we can suffer alongside. That feels much more humane to us- but it's a self-con job. It's co-dependency and dysfunction in us that thinks we can only be happy when everyone we care about is doing ok. That doesn't happen much. Someone is always having a bad day.
     And we can let them. Where we make ourselves crazy is insisting that they be other than they are so that we can feel better. But what will truly make us feel better is to let them be. They'll work it out, or they won't. We can be loving and kind, but we needn't turn ourselves into doormats. We get so twisted up forgetting that everybody has choices to make and that giving them the freedom to make them is the most loving thing we can do, even if their decisions do not please us. If they ask our opinion, we owe them our honesty, but we do not need to spew our unsolicited judgments all over their lives.

I stop trying to control the moods and choices of the people I love. I can be happy and whole, whether they are feeling that way or not.

SADNESS

     I believe that there are two emotional baskets in life, or "root cause" piles. They are love and fear. The fear basket holds anger, jealousy, resentment, bitterness, procrastination, frustration and the like. And in the love basket are gratitude, joy, serenity, acceptance, patience, optimism, courage, etc.
     Considering sadness in this light, I find a bit of a challenge. On first contact, it seems as if sadness easily belongs on the fear side of things, but on closer examination, genuine sadness is actually brimming with love. It is backed by compassion, not fear. There is tenderness and aching for what is, and the way people suffer, and the way we suffer.
     Sadness is free from self-pity and judgment and a desire to control- it is just sad- a heart wide open and a soul-full of tears. Love can be so big sometimes that it wants to burst us, and for me, sadness falls into that category of love. So when we are sad, let's feel for the softness behind our sorrow, and experience the great love that is actually bubbling up from deep inside of us, even as our hearts hurt, sobs rattle our ribs, and the tears roll streaming down our face.

I have a capacity for great love and great sadness, and they both come from the same place inside of me.