GREAT EXPECTATIONS

     Many times in my life- many more than I can remember- I have done something with the specific intent that it be a "treat." I have booked weekends at the beach, had massages, taken a day off of work, and a myriad of things along these lines, and mostly because of my expectations I suppose, they have turned out to be less than I hoped for... by far. And because of their being expensive, their letting me down has been especially disconcerting. Because I felt that it should have been one thing, and it turned out to be another, I felt upset, angry, and betrayed.
     I don't think the lesson is to stop doing these things, but to stop banking so much certainty in their happening the way I think they should, and let them happen as they happen. If there is something I'm grasping for, I'm bound to find it impossible to attain, but if I simply approach things with an open mind and an open heart, then I am allowing for surprises instead of demanding specific results.

If things don't turn out just the way I want them to, I can forgive myself my expectations, let it go, and move on.

THE WAY THINGS WORK OUT

     Things have a way of working out. They always do and always have, so I'm not sure why I tend to freak out over possibilities. I get caught up in fear and the projection of failure and hardship, but life is only hard when I make it that way by resisting it. Truthfully, one moment at a time one day at a time, I am the recipient of endless unexpected blessings, even if they may not seem that way at first. Hindsight is twenty-twenty. And if I'm honest, I can see that I have always ended up being blessed in the end.

Even in the face of challenges, I stay the course and keep my faith. I trust in the ultimate goodness of my life.

AS WE ARE

     It is our flaws and our errors and our human vulnerability that make us beautiful. When we acknowledge and accept our limitations with good humor and a sense of grace, then we are good company to be around. But if we pretend to be better than we are; if we pretend to be richer or smarter or more secure, then we are hard to take.
     Let's be easy in our skins and full of forgiveness and love, for ourselves as well as others. Let's learn to enjoy simple pleasures and be honest about who we are, with all of our weakness as well as our glory. Let's stop thinking and believing that we need to be more or less of anything and find a way to get comfortable simply to be as we are.

I am just right and completely whole. I don't have to pretend that I am anything other than I am.

SWEETER BY CONTRAST

    I find humidity harder to take than heat. Thick air does not inspire energy within me. It makes me lethargic and everything requires greater than usual effort, as if I am marching through deep mud. But it also makes me extra grateful for breezes and thunderstorms and air conditioning.
     And maybe everything we struggle with works like that. Hardship makes ease that much sweeter. So if I consider it that way, then I can find my gratitude... and I can find it everywhere and for everything. If I am suffering, when the suffering has passed, then I will experience the bliss of relief.

Crisp air is more delicious after a patch of humidity than ever. It is the contrast that sweetens the day.

PEN AND PAPER

     I am still a believer in pen and paper. There is nothing quite like the handwritten word. Something happens- a special kind of thought translation, when I move a pen across a page. What comes out is immediate, honest, and uncensored.
     Technology weakens my language and expression. Texting truncates me- computers auto correct and spell check and erase and perfect. But handwriting exposes the drafting process. It shows the crossed out words and the mood and tone of the writing itself. Changing my online font doesn't have close to the same effect. There is nothing to duplicate the pleasure and value of writing by hand.

No matter how far technology takes us, I will keep my notebooks and continue to write by hand.

SPEED EATING

     I eat too fast and forget to savor each bite. There is a sensation within me of having to get it in and get it down and clean my plate. I'm all about the purpose of food and too readily unconscious of the pleasure of it.
     I am aware of the flavors in the first bite or two, but after that, not so much. I become almost compulsive. I think I have some fear of there not being enough, especially if I'm hungry, so I have a kind of urgent grasping, gulping desire- to eat my fill. But I rob myself of pleasant sensations this way, and I do it over and over and over and over.

I make a commitment to slow down my food consumption and remember to savor each bite.

WANTING TO BE LIKED BY EVERYONE

     We can't please everyone, and occasionally something happens in life to remind us of that. An unexpected barb comes from "out there" and cuts us and stings. My instinct is to want to patch things up with whoever, to go forth with apologies, and to do whatever it takes to be liked again, and approved of again. And apologies are certainly appropriate when I have done something wrong. But when I have done nothing wrong in particular, then someone's distaste for me is not about me, but about them, and the thing to do is to have compassion, and let it go. I'm sure they have their reasons, as I do, when the shoe is on the other foot.
 

 I can't please everyone, and I am learning to be ok with that, even if it doesn't come naturally.