Wednesday, April 20, 2011


     It's interesting to me the way what was once delightful, what felt important to me and life changing, affirming and entertaining, becomes suddenly distasteful. Maybe I outgrow it. Maybe I finally see what I was blind to in the beginning. I have always wanted to believe that things and people are as beautiful and perfect as I imagine them to be when I first encounter them and they seem all in all. And maybe they really are that beautiful in the beginning. But eventually, the illusion fades, my fantasy perception dissolves into truth, and I am left feeling differently. Or else, my taste changes.
     Sometimes I keep going back to be sure that I have not missed something. I try to recreate the beginning beauty. I open my mind and my heart. But it continues flat and forever changed. I have seen and felt something that cannot be unseen and unfelt. There may still be value, but it's not in joy so much anymore. It becomes about acceptance and the understanding that what feeds me is ever evolving.
     There have been very few things in my life, and even fewer people, that become more beautiful to me as time goes on; that keep unveiling their wonder and delicious mystery. And for those people and those experiences I am grateful to the point of tears. But most things and most people I learn to accept and appreciate with their limitations.
     I suppose it's all part of the living experience. Instead of regretting that the appeal of things and people changes, that what once was is now no more, I can be expectant and open to what may come. That's the internal space I will occupy today. I will not try to force what is no longer working in my life to work the way it once did. I will let go where I need to and be honest. I will accept the changes that come with my own journey and the path of my evolution.

I will stop trying to recreate past glories and let go of that which no longer serves me.