Monday, April 11, 2011


     Time is absolutely relative. When I am doing something that engages me fully, or enjoying a day off, or having fun and relaxed conversation with laughter and smiles, I am always amazed to look at the clock and see how far it has moved, and how quickly. When I am struggling through a difficult situation, when I am tired, when I am stressed out, then time drags and pulls at me. It feels as if I can't possible endure another minute, let alone an entire afternoon, or a day!
     When my twins were babies, the days were the longest of my life. So much effort and creative problem solving was packed into such small portions of time. A mess could be created in seconds. The hours between naptime and bedtime were endless. I lived in a constant state of attention and readiness for tears and tantrums, for potential accidents and injury. I was always on call, always prepared with distractions and activities. I planned adventures to fill our time.
     Maybe the reason time moves so slowly when I am challenged is because I do not accept challenge as "fun." It is something to get through. On the other side I can relax. I am resisting the moment and the experience. I want it over so I can be elsewhere, so I can be on the other side, so I can claim my "reward" for having suffered. If I could learn to relax inside of the challenge and settle into the experience, if I could let it be and not feel that old need to be ever-ready with potential solutions, ever on guard, ever prepared for flight to the other side, then maybe time would equalize some.
     At the very least, if time is poking along, that's a clue for me to take a look and be honest about what I am resisting, and decide not to resist instead. I can make a decision to be wherever I am and commit my energy fully to the moment.

I will catch myself resisting experiences today and make a decision to surrender instead.