THE GUT

     I believe that we all have an inner alarm system. Red flags fly within us, and we seem to know something but don't know how we know... which makes it easy to have doubt. We figure that we're probably wrong. It can't possibly be the way our guts are warning us that it is, mostly because it's something that we either want, or think we should want. We justify doing what our insides try to steer us away from, and then we have a price to pay. And we say, "I knew it! I knew it was going to be like this." But that is small comfort when we have got ourselves stuck yet again.
     It's terrifying to listen to our illogical instincts over and above our rationalizing mind. We can spell out all the practical reasons for action, for committment, for making the decision to turn in a certain direction in our lives, and then there's that annoying little gut sense in the background saying that it doesn't feel right. We shut it down. Nonsense! That's just fear talking! We rally freinds around to our cause. We make the case against our gut... and then we move forth... justified! And sometimes, initially, all goes well, and we pride ourselves on our excellent decision making.
     But the gut instinct has never failed to play out, at least in my life. The promising situation turns to mud. And I am always warned before it happens. I don't know how I know, but I do, and when I don't pay attention, when I turn against my gut and make the case for logic, I suffer. And I don't know why I insist on repeating the experiment. Perhaps because it requires so much trust in things that I can't see, and trust in myself. I am more willing to pay attention to my internal red flag system now than I ever have been, but it is still an evolving journey and most definitely a slow road to travel.

I will listen to my gut today, and trust the things I somehow know but cannot entirely see.