And then, in a moment of quiet revelation, the source of my angst sneaks up on me and taps me on the shoulder. I recognize it, it's familiar, and almost always connects back to some childhood sensation that has been triggered by a present day event. I have a handful of feelings from my youth that create regular discomfort in me, the biggest and the baddest of which are shame and fear. I was teased sarcastically by my father when I was little such that I took ownership of self-consciouness and embarassment for being the way I am. And fear in a myriad of forms came to me as a legacy from my mother.
I think the answer today comes in recognizing how small things trigger old feelings. And then having the compassion for myself to understand what's going on and let it be. If I allow the fear and shame to be, they dissolve and soften. If I refuse to acknowledge them in any way, I experience pain.
I will give myself a break today. No one gets through childhood unscathed and I am no exception. I can have compassion for my own particular vulnerabilities.