Saturday, April 2, 2011


     Making decisions can be a tricky proposition. Fear and uncertainty are involved, and unknown outcomes. I want so much to make the right decision, especially now that I understand so clearly about consequences. Yet sometimes, it's impossible to know what is right until I know what is not right, and sometimes it takes making a decision and suffering consequences to conclude which is which.
     Small decisions like what to eat and what to wear are usually easier, but not always. I have had moments of overwhelm in my life trying to decide whether to wear this or that, and have tried on the options to the point of absolute internal frazzle and the induction of sweat. Even these decisions turn on mental weigh-in scales, activate the justification process, and awaken doubt. It may be the pursuit of perfection in decision making that gets me. I erroneously figure that one choice is likely to be all one thing or another, a disaster or my long awaited lottery ticket, and that if I choose wrongly I will have blown it all forever. It's dramatic of me, but I bet I'm not alone in this.
     So what to do? The best I can, I suppose. Perhaps what is most important for me to remember is that nothing, no one thing, is all black or all white. Out of each decision that I make, challenge will come, and satisfaction, frustration, and reward. Much as I want things to be clear, evident, and secure, the guaranteed only thing that is for sure forever is that everything is all mixed up and how I feel changes constantly.
    Ultuimately, the lesson for me in decision making is to consider thoughtfully and choose what seems the best option with the information I have. And then, let it go. That's the trickiest part of all. I second guess myself, want to go back, re-do, decide again. I drive myself crazy with that energy. But once the decision has been made, if I made it thoughtfully, and I am second guessing only to second guess, then I need to stop, and leave it alone. I need to let it rest, and turn my attention elswhere.

I will catch myself getting frazzled over decision making today. I will take a deep breath, make the best choice I can, and then leave it alone.