SPIN DOCTORS

     We live in a culture of spin-doctors. People are constantly telling us that this, that, or the other thing is good for us, will benefit us, will be the best possible thing, when the reality is that our biting on their bait won't actually benefit us at all. It will benefit them.
     We are told that things which are clearly unreasonable are reasonable, and that scenarios that are sketchy have no risk involved; that it's free! when it's not, actually. Doctors tell us that we will be fine when they have done what they can for us and want to wash their hands and move on- even if we're hurting; even if we're broken, and they are largely, if not completely, responsible for our broken-ness.
     So much false advertising sullies our good instincts and teaches us to questions ourselves. Maybe we're wrong, we think. Maybe it really isn't as bad and scary and non-sensical as we think. Maybe they're right after all. And then, the predictable disastrous results occur, and we wonder how we ever could have doubted ourselves. And the spin-doctors start their spinning off in a new direction, twisting and turning the situation to their advantage, and we are left holding the bag, so to speak, in every way possible. We are out of luck and 'aint it a shame.
     We have a strong internal red-flag warning system for a reason. The cost is high when we ignore its signal. Let's not. Let's honor our guts, and trust that our knowing is solid, and our instinct for danger is likely right-on. Let's not be afraid to say "no," as many times as it takes, and to watch out for the snake-oil salesmen that abound.

I have to be my own advocate. Those who want to sell me something don't usually have my best interest at heart.

THE ILLUSION OF CARE-TAKING

     There is a point at which our doing for others actually disables them. This fact is important to recognize,  particularly for parents, and perhaps even more for mothers than for fathers. Years of taking care of our childrens' needs forms a care-taking habit. But we have to outgrow it at some point or we become agents of stunting growth. We have to let them- children, lovers, friends, parents, whoever- take responsibility for their own journey, their own momentum, and their own daily care.
     By feeling compelled to smooth over all of the rough edges for the people we love, and make it all ok for them no matter what, and to "do" for them, and fuss and bother over them constantly, we kill their autonomy and pride and the rewarding internal space that is the result of being self-propelled. We can love- yes! We can love with our whole selves, but real love doesn't mean "doing for." Real love is about trusting others to know what they need and giving them the reins and the freedom to establish their own ground.

I relinquish control of care-taking others who are more than capable of care-taking themselves.

DO NOT PUSH

     On the back of certain dump trucks are the words, "DO NOT PUSH." The letters are bold, and the message clear. I take it to heart every time I see it, and am reminded that pushing and forcing and insisting usually gets me no place but stuck.
     Finding and understanding the natural rhythm and flow of life situations, and relationships, and moods, is crucial to peace and relaxation. It makes us forgiving and tolerant and able to patiently wait for a shift in the direction of things. Energy is constantly on the move, so we have to learn to ride the currents much like we learn to body surf in the waves.
     "Do not push" is excellent advice. The longer I live, the more it seems to me that real power lies in our ability to surrender to what is- to cease fighting, to let go and let be. And then, when all is settled, it's time to let go some more.

I stop pushing against everything I come up against and make a decision to go with the flow.

PRECIOUS LIFE GRATITUDE

     It's an incredible thing to survive an accident that could have been fatal if things had played out only slightly differently. There's a moment of clear recognition that life is fragile, terribly fragile, and precious; and that we far too easily take it for granted.
     A patch of pooled water sent my car into 360 degree turns the other day, and flung me into another car that had done the same thing, and then the bank. When my head whipped forward and back with the final impact, all I felt was grateful. I had stopped moving, and I was in one piece: no blood. I was alive and ok.
     Accidents are accidents for a reason. We don't anticipate them, and they have the ability to rock our world. They come as reminders- that we are here by grace, ultimately, and grace alone. Given that truth, it seems to me that gratitude is our best operating system- that we are here! That we taste and smell and feel and dream! That we are able to hope... and love! That we wake up and have the ability to enjoy yet another beautiful day!
     There are countless many who are not so lucky.

I do not take my breath and beating heart for granted. I am grateful to be alive.

LOYALTY

     I feel a powerful loyalty to the people I care about, and that extends beyond my immediate family. The loyalty I feel to them- to my husband, and children- is strong beyond understanding; fierce and aching in its intensity. But the loyalty I feel to the people I work with is equally intense in its own kind of way.
     I feel protective of them. I have an interest in who they are, and what they're up to. I care about what what happens to them, how they feel, and what makes them happy... and sad. From a certain angle, caring as much as I do might be considered a liability. But I choose it. I choose caring over not-caring. Caring connects me to life, and to people, and work. Caring gives these things meaning beyond the daily regimen and structure.
     I might be able to make more money if I were less loyal. And I might have a more raging sort of personal freedom, but I might also feel less connected to the world I live in, and probably also feel less joy in my heart. It makes me happy to love people. It makes me happy all the way through. So I'll keep on loving them, and keep on caring, and keep on feeling grateful every day that I am a part of something so much bigger than myself.

I get to know the people I encounter regularly, and allow myself to care about them, without apology, and with my full heart.

THE PRICE OF CONTENTION

     Learning to pick our battles is an important life skill. Sometimes, we take a righteous stand against something that we don't actually have the power to change, and end up paying a higher penalty than we were able to anticipate. No matter how right we may be, we have to calculate the potential losses that will result from our taking up arms. We have to realistically determine if it's worth it to fight.
     We live in a sloppy world. Lack of integrity abounds, as does lack of reason and common sense. We are all limited to a certain extent, and imposed upon by rules and regulations that we don't necessarily agree with. But most of them are enforceable nonetheless, and if we want to participate, we have to find a way to get along.
     Being right may not be as important as being at peace. We have to consider our actions carefully when we are feeling oppositional. Do we want to speak our truth and then leave it alone, or take a stand and fight to the death? We have to pick our battles with care, and be honest about the real cost of things.

I think before I fight, and make sure I'm willing to pay the price of contention before I engage.

DAILY HABITS

     Why do we stop doing the things that make us feel good and expect to continue to feel good? We get to a point where we are sick and tired of feeling lousy all the time, so we make changes in our habits and our lifestyle. We start to feel better. Life looks up and we forget how it was. We take our new-found health for granted. And slowly, we slip back.
     We need to keep doing the things that are working for us for as long as they keep on working. We can evolve and fine-tune. But we have to realize that good health is largely the result of good daily maintenence of our bodies, our minds, and our spirits. If we don't bother to take care of ourselves on any front, we will feel the difference.
     It's easy to use stress and difficulty as an excuse to let slide our good habits, and yet, that is when we need them the most! To feel our best in any and all situations, we need to maintain our good habits no matter what, every day, for a lifetime.

I take care of myself so that I can enjoy my life!