MISPLACED FEAR

     So much of anger is rooted in fear. When we lash out at others, it is usually our way of reacting to what we perceive as a terrifying breech of personal security. For example, in traffic, if someone cuts us off unexpectedly and we have to slam on the breaks, our anger is mostly about the fact that our heart is racing and we thought for a second that we were going to wreck the car. But instead of admitting, "That scared me!" we say, "That driver is a jerk! What's his problem?" And we call him names, and curse him, and feel justified in our hatred and fury. But it's really misplaced fear, and nothing more than that. Wherever there is anger, you can be sure that misplaced fear is not far behind.
     We can acknowledge this in ourselves and others. Instead of going off on some furious tangent of vengeance, we can stop and ask ourselves, "What am I afraid of?" The naked truth of the question itself largely diffuses the rage. And though we may not be able to change the way other people are acting out, perhaps we can have compassion as we consider the same question for them. "I wonder what she's so afraid of?" And we can extend a little understanding instead of matching fear for fear.
    

I extend compassion wherever I encounter anger. I understand that it is usually only fear that is improperly expressed.

DETOURS

     I find it fascinating in life the way we head off enthusiastically in one direction- pretty clear about our goal and intention, and quite sure of ourselves. And then we encounter a detour. We have to make an unexpected right turn. And that leads us down a hill and around a corner and through a town and unfamiliar neighborhoods. And then we have to turn again, and again.
     And sometimes, after a detour, we return to our original course, but it is somehow changed by what we have been through. We see it differently. And sometimes the detour itself becomes the new path. We thought we were headed one way, but we were mistaken.
     What never seems to fail, however, is that we end up exactly where we are supposed to be. We arrive as if by accident. We travel countless, unanticipated curves in the road. We head off to LA and end up in Jackson. But we realize, when we get there, that Jackson was actually the place we were headed all along... whether we knew it, or not.

I think I know where I'm going, but the truth is that I never really know for sure until I get there.

SQUASHING JOY

     Joy is durable, surely, but fragile as well, and easily squashed. How often and how easily do we encounter someone who seems unusually joyful and make some kind of squashing comment to them? "Wow. You sure seem happy today... what are you so bubbly about? What's with the good mood?" We are almost accusatory, definitely passive-aggressive, and often sarcastic. And people make the same kind of remarks to us when we are feeling exceptional. It's almost as if the world is in collusion. We seem to silently agree that nobody should be allowed to be too joyful, and if they are, we feel entitled to jab at them with guilt induction and bring them down a size. Perhaps it has something to do with a kind of primordial resentment. It seems more natural to resent people their happiness than to share in it. There's a sense of "not fair" when others are thriving and we are not.
     The loving thing to do is to rejoice in their good humor, and to accept it gracefully and let it wash all over us and lift our own mood by mere association, but so much more often, we make the impulsive decision to squash them instead. We feel an urgent need to put them in their place. And in the receipt of our not-so-helpful commentary, we watch joy deflate like a popped balloon. And maybe we feel badly and want to take our comment back- but by then, it's too late.
     Let's think before we speak. Let's celebrate the happiness of others, and if we cannot celebrate it, let's at least make the decision not to crush it with sarcasm or some other kind of clever quip. Life is hard and joy is precious. Let's honor it properly and give it room to breathe and grow.

I pay attention to the squashing of joy in myself and others, and choose not to participate. I celebrate joy instead, and feel grateful for bubbling happiness wherever I encounter it.

SEEDS

     It's an amazing thing to plant seeds in  the dirt and watch them sprout with their happy green-ness. They are so tiny at first. And then, each day, they rise a little taller, and a little taller still. They develop particular character and shape. They begin to look like what they will become. They outgrow their starter pots and need to be transplanted. So long as they have health, and light, and water, nothing stops their growth, and eventually they deliver up flowers and fruits, vegetables, and heavenly scents. And all of this comes from apparent smallness. Some seeds are no bigger than a spec of pepper. I find it miraculous and wonderful, fascinating and inspiring.
     We too, are all growing from seeds, and developing our own kind of breadth and width and foliage. We develop as efficiently and gracefully as lavender plants, tomatoes, and rows of corn. We are perennials. Our influence spreads across the earth as we ripen and go to seed year after year, evolving, growing, and ever-expanding- until, eventually, we become compost, and fertilize the life that follows ours when our growing is completed.

There is much to learn from seeds. I watch them sprout and develop and bear fruit. And it occurs to me that our life journey happens in much the same way.

THE COST OF SECRETS

     I used to keep secrets. I held onto stories from my past and facts about myself with great guardedness and fear. It was a security job I took seriously, because I was sure if people only knew the things I had done, and thought, it would be the end of all respect for me. I carried shame around like a bag of rocks.
     And then, by suggestion, and through courage, I shared everything about me- my whole life story- with someone I could trust. And I discovered that I was not so bad after all; not so different from others; and that everything in my past was entirely forgivable. It even turned out that in some way, my errors and mistaken judgments actually made me beautiful- imperfect and vulnerable and human... and beautiful. It was a relief to let go of my secrets, and to set free my internal slaves of shame.
     And now I can talk about everything in my life with almost anyone, because I realize things are only a big deal if I refuse to share them. Through sharing comes relatability, understanding, humor, and a right-sized image of who I am. And life is much simpler knowing that everyone's stash of secrets amounts to pretty much the same thing: we are human and we make mistakes.
     So let's disclose our secrets and laugh about our human-ness. Let's let go of the un-necessary shame that we carry around once and for all.

I relax knowing that it's ok to make mistakes, and I don't have to pretend to be perfect. Sharing my secrets brings me closer to others and lightens my load.

THE NATURAL ORDER OF THINGS

     Some days my energy is buzzing with lively happiness and all possibility, and some days it is flat and everything seems an extreme effort. I make the mistake of thinking that the high energy can be recalled at will, but it cannot. So I need to enjoy it while it lasts, knowing that it will change. And truthfully, I can find a way to enjoy the low energy too. It's different, but not without it's own kind of appeal.
     Windows of opportunity seem to open in the same way. There is a fresh breeze that comes in with the promise of something hopeful; something unexpected and exciting that seems suddenly doable. But I have to act, and continue to act each day in small steps if I want to grow the excitement and keep the window open. Otherwise, like the energy that drops without warning, the window slams down. And what was visible, what I wanted and was jazzed up to do, is out of sight again. And I can no more recall it than I can make myself energized when I am in need of rest.
     Everything is cyclical, and rhythmic. I have to learn to ride the cycles and be in touch with the natural order of things- the rising and falling of the sun, the wind, the moon, the heat; energy, hunger, internal peace and restlessness, eagerness, and exhaustion. It's all part of it, and all has its place. There is beauty in the waxing and the waning of my vision and the pursuit of my dreams, but whether I am bursting with new ideas or listless and dull, I am nonetheless growing, and developing, and maturing. I am ever learning how to ride the tides and experience the rising and dips of life, with courage, and good humor, and trust in the passage.

I observe and appreciate the cycles of my enthusiasm. I experience it rise and fall like the tides. I am a part of the natural order of things.

PICK UP THE DRAG

     If what we are doing drags us down and makes us tired, I think that's a pretty good indicator that our hearts are not engaged. We may be going through the motions, but there's something lacking. If we do not have the option to walk away from whatever it is that we are doing, our best bet is to find a way to make it interesting. Maybe we need to creatively mix things up, with our thoughts, if not our actions. We need to approach it differently; maybe establish an internal state of play and bring some fun to the activity. We can come at it from a new angle of consideration.
     The worst possible thing is to think of how tired we are, and bored, and how we wish we were elsewhere. Such thoughts make the experience utterly excruciating and slow time down to creeping. We have to remember the options that we have. We can make the decision to pick up what's dragging. We can change our mind and find the interest in what's in front of us. There's always something of interest. We can make it an observational adventure to seek it out. Sometimes it comes easier than others to engage our hearts in what we do, and sometimes we have to be a little more creative. But if the situation is before us, then we can be sure that we are up to the challenge, and that the creative journey is not only possible, but excellent practice for finding a way to be happy no matter where we are or what we are doing.

If I find myself feeling tired and bored with what I'm doing, I make the decision to come at it from a fresh angle and mix things up. Life is much more fun when my interest is engaged.