So much of anger is rooted in fear. When we lash out at others, it is usually our way of reacting to what we perceive as a terrifying breech of personal security. For example, in traffic, if someone cuts us off unexpectedly and we have to slam on the breaks, our anger is mostly about the fact that our heart is racing and we thought for a second that we were going to wreck the car. But instead of admitting, "That scared me!" we say, "That driver is a jerk! What's his problem?" And we call him names, and curse him, and feel justified in our hatred and fury. But it's really misplaced fear, and nothing more than that. Wherever there is anger, you can be sure that misplaced fear is not far behind.
We can acknowledge this in ourselves and others. Instead of going off on some furious tangent of vengeance, we can stop and ask ourselves, "What am I afraid of?" The naked truth of the question itself largely diffuses the rage. And though we may not be able to change the way other people are acting out, perhaps we can have compassion as we consider the same question for
them. "I wonder what she's so afraid of?" And we can extend a little understanding instead of matching fear for fear.
I extend compassion wherever I encounter anger. I understand that it is usually only fear that is improperly expressed.
