CONDITIONAL LOVE

     Conditional love is a trapping and brutal business. It is love under siege; love that can be removed at any time for any reason. It's impossible to meet all of the potential conditions. They are always changing so we must remain ever on guard- to do what's wanted, to be sure to please the distributor of love so that we can get our share. It's stressful and exhausting. We are loved for our behavior, our achievements, our choices, and our taste, insofar as they line up in accordance with someone else's idea of who we should be and how we should be. Conditional love is control over another person at the highest possible cost, and the most prevalent and socially acceptable form of emotional abuse.
     More often than not, we receive it as children, and then pass it along to our children. We show them love as long as we approve of what they do, and when we do not approve, we withdraw our love. It was done to us so it seems only natural. But it's not. It's a horrible thing to live in constant fear that love will be stripped from us if we do something wrong. It is ever-impending doom, and life under a black cloud.
     The healing process has to begin at the level of our beliefs. We have to learn to believe that we are lovable even when we mess up; even when we do foolish things and make bad decisions. If we can't shed a little kindness self-ward, and give ourselves a break, who will? How can we ever believe that others might love us unconditionally if we cannot feel that way about ourselves?

Unconditional love starts with the way I feel about myself. If I have to daily earn my own approval, what does that suggest about my lovability? I am willing to believe that I am lovable just the way I am.