THE COST OF GRABBING AND GULPING

     As a culture, we have a kind of grabbing and gulping mentality. We do more than eat on the run. We live on the run. We over-stuff our hours as well as our bellies. We lack quiet time and reflection. We lack appreciation for all of the things we rush through to get to the next thing. We ache with impatience. No matter how much we have, we cannot get our fill. We want and want and want. And when we receive what really matters, we don't recognize it. Grabbing at life, we often miss the things that come to us as blessings and salvation. Our attention is elsewhere. We miss flavors and textures and the pleasures of slow digestion. We chow down instead, on our emotions and experiences no less than our meals.
     Let's back off and ease up. Let's savor each small step along the path and notice what's there. Let's taste and smell and see and hear with awareness and appreciation. This is the answer to pleasure; not more of anything- not fuller days or bigger bank accounts- simply presence, and being who we are.

I stop rushing and savor my life.

PARADOX

     People do not want to be beat up. They don't want to be put down, or lorded over, or made to feel small. They don't want to be bullied, disrespected, made fun of, or yelled at. No matter how wrong we may be, no one wants to be humiliated or discounted.
     We are all longing for approval, for recognition, for appreciation, and for permission to be who we are. We want to be loved. We want to be encouraged. We want to be thanked. Even if we don't admit it even to ourselves, we want these things. We might pretend that we need no one and we are just fine thank you, and we don't care a lick about what anyone thinks of us. But we all care a little. We can't help but care a little.
     Sideways and backwards we go about getting these things. We try to demand them, or bully others into giving them to us. Or else we become cynical, or hypochondiac and try to get what we need from a negative angle. The results of such attempts are checkered at best. The only legitimate way to receive love and appreciation is to give them to others. It's one of life's paradoxes. We get what we give. And what goes around definitely comes around. This has been my experience.
     When I want to feel loved I have to be loving. When I want to feel appreciated, I have to be appreciative. Like it or not, that's the way it works. So let's consider what we want and need emotionally and become willing to give it away.

I spread love and kindness because that's what I want to experience in my life.

POWERFUL GENTLE

     There's a difference between a touch that is gentle, and one that is more like a dead fish. Behind true gentleness, it seems to me, there is power. It is the restraint of power and the choice to be soft that makes it feel nurturing to the recipient. It is firm, and strong even, but harsh in no way. It is the very strength behind the gentleness that provides the sense of comfort and support. It is touch filled with tenderness and a vast reservoir of loving kindness.
     The dead fish touch, on the other hand, may attempt at gentleness, but comes across with a distinct element of creep instead. I had my hair cut yesterday, and the gal who shampooed me had just such a touch. I believe she meant well. I believe she was trying to be gentle, but it was so soft that it felt excruciating instead. Her touch was weak and under spoken and full of temerity. It made me want to get away.There was nothing soothing about it.
     But it got me thinking about touch, and being gentle, and what gentle really looks like and feels like; not what I have unconsciously supposed for all these years. Gentle, it seems to me now, is generous in spirit and backed by wisdom, and a courageous heart. More than anything else, it is an irreplaceable gift of strength subdued.

I appreciate genuine gentleness, and recognize that there's more to it than initially meets the eye.

THE SLOW FIX

     It comes readily to most of us to seek out a quick fix to whatever ails us, and to believe that the answer really is "out there" if we can only find it. We are certain of magical solutions, and no one is more surprised than we are when our great plans don't work. How could 2 teaspoons a day of safflower oil not eliminate all of our body fat? We are sure that every time is THE time, and that we have found the answer at last.
     Why do we do this? Fundamentally, perhaps, we don't want to admit to ourselves that the responsibility for at least some part of our ailment lies with us. And the action steps required for recovery are our responsibility as well. This is a hard truth. It seems so much easier to blame people and conditions for our problems, and to play the innocent victim, and in the same way, to look outside for the thing that will make it all better: a pill, a seminar, a new relationship, a spa retreat, having another child, moving ourselves geographically... It's the old "if only" game we play. If only this or that, then... all would be well. But would it really?
     Changing external things can help our feelings of satisfaction for a while. But if our bottom line way of experiencing life has taken us to a dark place of unhappiness before, we can be sure it will again. The setting doesn't matter. How much we weigh, how much money we make, a new pair of shoes, a new car... none of it matters. It's our mindset that matters, and the integrity of our heart. If we want to feel differently, we have to change from the inside out. We have to be willing to change our perspective and to change the way we live and the way we do things and the choices we make. It's not a quick fix. It can't be quick if it is going to be lasting. It has taken us a lifetime to get where we are and it's a slow process to change. But it's worth it, and we're worth it... one small bit at a time.

I don't fool myself into believing in quick fixes. I am willing to do the hard work to experience change that lasts.

THE BEST MADE PLANS

     Our plans are skeletal at best. It is up to some power beyond ourselves to fill in the flesh and muscle. Call it God, or Fate, or the Universe, or whatever you wish, but this is the force that determines the experience. We cannot begin to foresee what obstacles or inspiration we might encounter. We set off with our vision. Sometimes it's crystal clear to us- the way  things are going to be, the path we are choosing, the definite goal we are sure to reach- and then that thing beyond our control, whatever it may be, happens.
     We hit a roadblock. Something unexpected tempts us in a different direction. We fall in love. We suddenly become ill. We hit traffic, have an accident, lose our momentum. And then we have to make adjustments. We adapt and improvise. And no matter where we were headed, even if we change our course entirely, we always seem to end up right where we are supposed to be in the end. And yet, every time our plan is foiled, we suffer. We feel stopped in our tracks, frustrated. But we need not. We can embrace any sudden change in anticipated speed or direction understanding that a correction is being made. There is some other plan beyond our plan that is meant for us; somewhere we are supposed to be; some serendipity that awaits us.
     We can struggle and push and force our original agenda on the changed circumstances, but it's a rough and unsatisfying road against the tide and natural flowing rhythm of divine grace. Let's surrender instead, and be willing to be flexible. Let's allow for plan "B" in everything; and plan "C" and "D" and "E" as well- as many alternatives as it takes... to get where we're going, and be happy when we do.

I make plans, but remain flexible. Changes in direction are inevitable, and serve a purpose beyond my understanding.

  

INTERESTING EXERCISE

     No matter what kind of parents we have, we learn our gender roles from them. Unbeknownst to most of us, a deep-rooted belief system operates within us at all times. I have always had a sense about how I feel in regards to male and female rights and responsibilities, and an understanding of the way I accept it as being without even questioning it. But I didn't know the stark reality and the extent of my thoughts until I wrote them down on paper just the other day.
     At the top of a blank sheet I put the words "man" and "woman," and then proceeded to list what I believe about the roles and characteristics of each sex. And seeing what I wrote surprised and enlightened me. It explained so many of my feelings and potential resentments. It was a list taken directly from my youth- based on the way my mother and father behaved, and how they acted towards and around each other. Just because it's what I grew up with does not mean it has to be what I live with and die with.
     My list needs some definitive revision. I didn't even know I had one, and yet it plays out in my life every day. Now that I see it, I have the option to change my mind about what I believe. But I couldn't have seen it without writing it down: an invaluable exercise. I recommend it for everyone.

I take a moment to consider the beliefs I hold about gender roles, and I am willing to change my mind about my beliefs if they are sorrowfully out-dated.

FREELY GROWING

     Continuing on the blooming plant theme from yesterday, there is a raw beauty in bushes that are left to their own developmental shape, and something pinched and caged-feeling about bushes that have been trimmed to perfect, but un-natural, circular lumps. Let's not let the world cut us back and keep us so far trimmed that we lose our ability to grow according to our nature. And let's not cut ourselves back or keep ourselves so tightly clipped that we do the same thing. Let's allow for the freedom to stretch and reach in whatever direction we please as we rise towards the light.

I listen to my heart and follow its lead.