CHOOSING RETREAT OVER SURRENDER BY PRESSURE

     Where is the line and how do I know when to stand up when others are thrusting their agendas on me, and when to let it go? I guess it's a question of picking my battles. Where am I willing to commit my forces and risk injury to protect an idea or a principle or my physical safety, and where am I willing to surrender and not fight? Not fighting is often the winning position, but I seem to travel so easily from surrender to doormat. The truth is that I don't want to fight or be a doormat. I want to be respected. I want people to not push my boundaries, but that's wanting the world to be what the world is not.
     As always, I suppose the happy serenity answer is an inside job, and is driven by what motivates me. If I say yes to something externally, I damn well better mean yes on the inside too so that I am not in conflict with myself. That's where I get into trouble and get uncomfortable, when I agree to do something to get someone off of my back or to appease them, but it's nothing I really want to do at all, and the only reason I am doing it is because someone guilted me into it. That's sickness on my part, and peace with a pricetag.
     I give in to pressure too easily. I want to remember to slow down, and if I feel pushed and defensive, I need to buy myself time for retreat and regroup. At the very least, then whatever I decide is my decision and not a reactive agreement to deflect a combative situation. Today, I will pause when I feel any heat from others. I will breathe and consider and be sure to speak quietly and not get all hooked in and explosive. If something is asked of me and I am not sure, I will say so, and express my need for time to consider and reflect. Then I can come back to it thoughtfully and be in accordance with my whole self, and be clear about where I stand on the issue, and why, and stand up or surrender with understanding instead of weakness.

I commit to myself to not be reactive and popped about emotionally by others like a pinball. If I feel attacked, or am unsure, I use the option to retreat and consider thoughtfully before expressing where I stand.