When I approach it for the second time, and for each successive time, I become ever more steady. I develop a rhythm, and relax some as the movements and approach become more familiar. It feels less painful in this phase, and more sustainable. I develop a kind of affection for what I am doing. My instinct to battle and confront at first contact, to force and urge and push my will, is self-protective maybe, and has its purpose, but I cannot get comfortable until I let the process work me instead of the other way around. And by then it's an old friend.
Everything in my life seems to unfold this way, as a face-off and confrontation first, and then a struggle, and finally, a settling in. I'd like to spare myself the initial fighting if at all possible. Maybe if I approach new things with curiosity instead of a desire to conquer. Curiosity feels gentle and friendly- a quiet exploration instead of a challenge and a compulsion to take down. I prefer the energy of curiosity. At least, I prefer the idea of it. I invite curiosity into my life. I welcome it fully. I am willing to pause and look instead of jumping in with both feet. I am willing to consider options and possibilities beyond my instinctual, historical, first blast of attack.
Let me be curious today, and thoughtful. Let me be free from all battling confrontation, with people, with projects, and with anything new that I may face.
