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Friday, June 10, 2011

ACCEPTING CHANGING MOODS

     I know this about myself; if people I love are unhappy or struggling or overwhelmed or confused or angry or dark or fearful, I want to fix it for them. But if I'm honest, nothing is really broken, and there's nothing that needs my fixing. The less than perfectly happy attitude of others makes me uncomfortable, partially because I feel like it's not ok for me to be happy unless everyone else is, and I want to be happy, or at least, have the option to be happy. I'm also extremely uncomfortable in what I perceive as brooding silence. And yet, if I'm in a funk, don't even try to cajole me out of it. Don't tease me or tell me everything is going to be ok. I know that everything is going to be ok, but I'm in a funk anyway.
     What's crazy is that somehow I've developed a belief system that tells me it's not acceptable to be down, no matter what. I was raised with the rally philosophy: rally at all cost, chin up, and all that. Being sultry or self-pitying or depressed wasn't tolerated in me when I was little, so maybe what really goes on in me today is that I am not willing to tolerate it in others. Snap out of it. Get a grip. Get over yourself. I'm not allowed to be down so neither are you, and if you are, go off and do it in private.
     But sometimes it can't be helped. Sometimes we all just need to be in our funks. It's part of the process of working through challenges. We always come out of them eventually and maybe faster with less external poking and prodding. I want to let the people I love be where they are today without offering my urgent suggestions for changing the way they feel. However it is, it's ok. And if I let it be ok for them, then it's ok for me too.

Shifting moods and energies are part of life. I accept the ups and downs in others and in myself as well. It is not my job to provide the ups or fix the downs. They arise and fall away all by themselves.