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Thursday, June 2, 2011

BEFRIENDING OURSELVES

     A recognition that things in my life need to be changed up and adjusted is uncomfortable and unsettling. New routines are discombobulating, and when I am discombobulated within myself I become needy and pathetic feeling. I figure that no one could possibly love me, especially the people who really do, so I feel entitled to lash out at them in anger, or smother them with my insecurity. I seek reassurance in others by pushing them away, and in my old routines that no longer serve me. I am left flat. The only real reassurance available to me comes from the inside out.
     Life, it seems to me, is a continuous process of befriending ourselves. We are so changeable and fragile. A stranger's comment, a pang of self-consciousness or embarrassment, an unbecoming reflection in the mirror or a few pounds in the wrong direction on the scale can completely topple our assurance. We must be kind and compassionate if we hope to recover our calm center and groundedness. We must be loving with our vulnerabilities and honest about our lost feelings. We must ask why?
     Why do I feel so out of sorts? Why do I feel needy? Unattractive? Afraid? Usually, the answer is pretty understandable and it's ok. A bit of gentle coaxing and sympathy for the self goes a long way toward easing up on the pressure for perfection and the desire to blame others for our discomfort. And then we can make the changes we need to make, or have a good cry, or ask for help, or spend some time quietly and peacefully in solitude. We can give ourselves the time and space that we need for healing. Simply allowing ourselves to be where we are is a huge relief.

I am willing to give myself a break today. I am understanding with my challenges and worries, and I allow myself to be exactly where I am.