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Thursday, March 31, 2011

EXPRESSING PREFERENCES

     Sometimes in life, when I am asked a question, I respond that I don't care. And sometimes, the answer really doesn't matter to me, and I am ok no matter which way the situation tips. But sometimes, I do care. I have a specific preference that I feel unsure or guilty about articulating, so I pretend not to care.
     Secretly, I am hoping someone else will decide to go in the direction of my preference and I will get the credit for being flexible and get what I want at the same time. It doesn't always play out like that though. If I don't express a preference and then things tilt away from where I want to go, I have to fight with myself to not cop a resentment. What insanity!
     It's ok for me to care about things, no matter how small they might seem. I can express my preference without being crushed if it doesn't happen. But if I opt out of this kind of self-expression, I devalue my particular take on life. I am acting from false humility. My motives for "not caring" in this way are not honest. I want to learn to speak up when asked my opinion, and not pretend that I don't care... when, in fact, I do. Sometimes, I actually care deeply. What merit is there in pretending that I don't?

Today I am going to trust that my personal vision has value and have the courage to express my preferences.