But it can't work. If I have a specific desired outcome for my efforts, my plans are guaranteed to go awry becuase I am trying to control the way in which my gifts are used, and think I know what it will feel like to arrive at the other end of a goal. It's never what I project it will be. Months of effort can end in emptiness and hollow satisfaction when I was counting on giddy and long lasting exaltation. If I think I have to figure out my ultimate purpose and that it's all geared in one specific direction, I am missing the point. I need to rethink my approach, or maybe stop thinking altogether and simply follow my heart.
Maybe it's not about making some great big statement or some great big contribution. Maybe it's not about notoriety or fame or reputation or credentials. Maybe it's as simple as touching lives with others in a positive way and feeling joy in small pleasures; bearing witness to the early blooms of spring. Maybe we all matter even before we accomplish anything. Maybe it really is about being after all, and not doing so much, as I have always thought. And maybe it doesn't matter if we make a difference in the lives of thousands of people, or even hundreds. Maybe it is enough to make a difference in the life of one.
Today I am willing to let go of my grandiose ideas about the purpose of my life, and take pleasure in what's right in front of me.