Thursday, March 3, 2011


     I realized yesterday that stress is the experience of not liking whatever is happening. I find myself resisting the moment, the situation, or the people I am encountering. I want it to be other than it is. My body tightens as if I am preparing for a fight, which, in some way, I am. I am fighting what IS. I feel my teeth clamp down and my jaw tighten. My mind goes on overtime calculating escape, manipulation, survival. My breathing is shallow. My hands are fists.
     Stress is pressurized, an internal explosion waiting to burst. I am holding myself together, pretending to be ok, to be calm, when inside of me the fuses on emotional firecrackers sizzle to detonation point. I slow my speech in an effort to appear in control. I smile uncomfortably. I want to get through whatever it is, to pop out the other side and take a deep breath in fresh air. Confined spaces cause stress in me, and extremely slow talking people; being hungry, talking about money, the needs of my children, and discussions about how things will be in the future.
     The answer is to catch myself in resistance, and to take a deep breath. If I can observe myself in my discomfort then I can begin to sort things out. I can ask internal questions to re-direct my mind. Can I change what's happening? Is freaking out making things better or worse for me? Am I trying to control something I have no business controlling? Can I let the show run itself and make a decision to be an observer? Once I become aware of the situation, I have a choice. I can change my attitude. I can stop fighting.
     And as soon as I do, peace is restored, and stress dissolves.... and then I want a hot fudge sundae. :)

I surrender to my life today, just the way it is. I agree to let it be.