Saturday, March 12, 2011


     Sometimes I feel small and uncertain about everything. A sense of futility overwhelms me. What's it all for? What's the point? Why bother? Why make the effort? Who really cares anyway?
    At times like these I need to remember why I am making the effort in the first place. If I am seeking approval, hoping for some validation of my worth from the outside world, I will be waiting a long time. I must honestly consider the intention of my actions. What energy am I bringing to the task before me? Am I hesitant and worried, doubtful and full of fear? Or am I confident and joyful, buzzing with creative energy, enjoying my work for the very sake of it? It makes a difference how I come at things.
     If I am not attached to what other people might think, if I am acting in all ways from a simple desire to express myself, then all goes well and I experience pleasure. If I have expectations, demands of myself or others, insistence on the way things need to be done, or an urge to control outcomes, I suffer greatly.
     I want to be less rigorous. I want to let go. I want to trust in what calls to me, even if I don't understand it. I want to quit trying to figure everything out. I don't need to. If I did, it would ruin the coming surprises. I think I want to know what's going to happen, but the truth is that blessings come from not knowing. It leaves open every possibility, and fills me with gratitude when the path opens to me in a way I could never have forseen.

What other people think about me is none of my business.