SLOWING DOWN DECISIONS

     I used to congratulate myself on being an excellent decision maker. It was a point of pride. I could deal with any question. I could deliver answers like slicing a cucumber. Yes. No. Yes. This. That. I was directive, impulsive. I always had an opinion. There were no maybes in my mind, and no maybes in my world. Everything was black and white. Sometimes I would agree just to be done with the burden of choosing, even if something inside of me wasn't entirely sure. I couldn't stand the discomfort of any loose ends.
     I made a lot of mistakes that way, and have spent years living out the consequences. Impulsive decisions don't thrill me the way they once did. I am learning to be thoughtful, to be patient. I am learning to wait and see. I can admit today when I don't know or I'm not sure. I can wait to be sure. Which is not to say that I become paralyzed by indecision, only that I consider consequences and the potential cost of whatever choice I face. I sit with the ideas of things and let them settle in me to see how they feel instead of pushing forth simply to push forth.
     It's a more peaceful way to live. I don't have to clean up the wreckage of my impulses.

When faced with choices today, I will pause and consider. I will ask myself, "How much does it cost? Is it worth it? And am I willing to pay the price?"